*Welcome* to Weekly Wonderings, a newsletter exploring the journey towards Digital **Self-Actualization**: > *realizing our meaningful potential through the synthesis of digital tools, life management systems, and humanistic philosophies* Here's a quick galactic overview of this edition: - [[#My quick capture app now syncs with Obsidian 🔄]] - [[#My Yearly Review - designing my ideal life with Obsidian, one year later ☯️]] ## My quick capture app now syncs with Obsidian 🔄 I initially recorded this video as a progress update for my team so the showcase isn't super polished, but here's a video demo of what the syncing process looks like so far for bringing notes from Goldfish to Obsidian (unfortunately I can't add an embed because I'm using a free alternative to Loom 😅) You can view the video here: https://johnmavrick.neetorecord.com/watch/6b4e8766d2a3ffaf8146 (If you need a refresher on how the app works, you can see an example use case of me [effortlessly journalling what I did the past hour](https://youtube.com/shorts/jLM5yo-kOoo?feature=share)) TLDW: I've refactored the code my friend made for the Fleeting Notes plugin to integrate with our app data. With verison 0.1.0 of this plugin you can: - Effortlessly sync your notes from Goldfish Notes to Obsidian - Add life to your notes by downloading your audio files alongside the transcribed and cleaned text - Customize the sync process with auto-syncing or auto-deletion of notes after importing - Personalize your import experience using custom templates to best integrate with your systems and processes For my daily usage, the app + plugin seems stable enough to use, and I'm excited to share it soon! I'll be sharing more details and showcases of the app when we're close to launching. But ideally, we still need to add some final touches and do a round of closed beta testing before we make it available for everyone to use. We also need to jump through some hoops to officially release it on app stores 🥲 One thing we still need to figure out is pricing. Unfortunately, with the price of monthly hosting and AI usage, having a one-time purchase isn't sustainable for the project's operation costs and ongoing support. I haven't discussed it with the team, but if you're interested in trying out this app, what do you think about this distinction: - A free plan to create and sync unlimited typed notes, but with a harsh cap on AI transcription and AI cleaning. - A paid plan (around $4-8 USD monthly) for unlimited AI usage - unlimited audio recording transcriptions, AI cleaning, and semantic search usage. Also, if we need more beta testers for the closed testing and you're eager to try out the app, you can take a few seconds to [complete this form](https://forms.gle/jaYky7Uauo8sUwHP7). ## My Yearly Review - designing my ideal life with Obsidian, one year later ☯️ My central theme for 2024 has been alignment. After reading [[Feel-Good Productivity]], I realized how my productivity systems were mostly optimized and personalized for getting things done. Beyond that, I wanted to put just as much effort on making sure those things were meaningful and relevant to my values and long-term goals. This led me to create [[My Alignment Philosophy]], the missing piece to my life operating system in [[Ultimate Starter Vault]]. After a year of incorporating it into my life and doing my weekly review, I appreciate the way it has reoriented me to live a holistic life where I can consciously evaluate whether my actions have been aligned with my ideal life and intentions. I've spent a reasonable amount of time going through old periodic reviews and fleshing out my current headspace by answering prompts, and it's led to some reflections and insights I hope can be interesting food for thought for your own :) I wasn't planning on sharing my yearly reflections and plans, but [Nick's vulnerable and personal reflection](https://nickmilo.substack.com/p/2024-year-of-the-decalcified-heart) inspired me to give one more passthrough at sharing mine. ### Areas #### Joy Last year, I boldly aimed to keep my joy rating at a 10. With my ADHD diagnosis, I tried designing my life in a way where I could naturally follow the rhythm of my brain. Instead of being highly disciplined, I accepted that [[ADHD brains prioritize stimulation over importance]]. Rather than force myself to do the things I don't like, I let myself spend more time on leisurely activities to make up for how [[ADHD brains lack neurotransmitters]]. As a result, intrinsic motivation became my driving force. Not being bound to my work schedule, I woke up whenever I wanted, played games more consistently, and only worked when I felt like it. It got to the point where I had no understanding of weekends or holidays. Every day was an opportunity to live out my "ideal life". In some ways, I'm deeply grateful for such freedom. My flexibility kept me available for social activities, which I neglected during my disciplined era. I got to engage in my projects with a sense of play and curiosity, which gave me a break from the productivity-at-all-costs mindset I've adopted over the years. So, setting my ideal rating to a 10 helped me commit to this lifestyle. But somewhere along the way, this transformed into hedonistic fulfillment as I directed my life based on stimulation. Unfortunately, [[Overstimulation causes us to act animalistic]]; aside from my scheduled periodic reviews, I lacked the time to engage in deeper levels of [[Contemplation]] and [[Self-awareness]]. Despite living a life of pleasure, I only reached an 8.5, which made me question whether this was the answer. Even just writing this sparked a sudden embodied wave of [[Mortality salience]], one that I haven't given space to in a while because of the lifestyle. It's these headspaces that give me a chance to really remind me to deeply engage in life beyond auto-pilot, even during times that feel the most routine. I'm doing all this because I'm afraid of losing consciousness. I'll no longer have chances to find joy in exploring my passions and curiosities, spend time with the people I cherish in my life, and feel my presence in the world through all my senses. But what I fear the most is the eventual disappearance of my sense of self. I've always been scared of living a hedonistic lifestyle because of the selfish legacy you leave behind in pursuit of it. All these meaningful experiences I make will disappear alongside my consciousness for no one else to carry on or benefit from. I know such a mindset is still stained by productivity, of not believing you're not enough just through your pure existence, but alternatively, something about solely existing as a passive consumer doesn't sit right with me. So, to try and somewhat exist beyond my death, I've found meaning in altruism. Although I likely won't be known long after my death, the experiences I've cultivated throughout my life could still be appreciated and helpful to others. It's why I started creating online. Even though the version of me that made my initial Obsidian videos years ago no longer exists, its essence and efforts continue to help people today. That has already been a heartwarming signal of what being remembered could look like. But somewhere along my creator journey, I've forgotten about this. I've been too worried about how I want to present myself online, distracted by other factors like the algorithm, and doubtful of not meeting the same authentic essence that drove the creation of my initial videos. In reality, all I need to do is keep track of this simple but powerful reason for doing it in the first place. To have my existence be impactful. So, for this year, I aim to strive for fulfillment by keeping this as my north star with my yearly theme. My start of 2025 has been filled with efforts to find a healthier combination with intrinsic motivation and doing what can serve the world. All of my major projects, like preparing for the Goldfish Notes app, working for LYT, starting my trial period at Morgen, and working on Obsidian Life Design, have already shown me how much more energy and meaning I find in creating a life centered around altruistic work. ^ Ever since I wrote the above, I had a coaching session with my good friend and certified coach [Dennis](https://dennisbxiao.com/) where he helped me achieve deep levels of self-awareness, which I'll be mentioning throughout my reflection. With the session, I finally had a chance to better connect with this altruistic [[IFS Parts|part]] of me. Instead of this intention being vague, I've come away with a deep embodied feeling and understanding of what it looks like and means to me. When he first asked me to picture this feeling, I imagined a stoic statue floating around the cosmos, surrendering to the flow of the logos. The first thing that came to mind was "Fatima", a word only familiar with the name because it's a song from my favorite anime 😅 But it turns out, in Arabic, it means "one who abstains", which is quite fitting with the idea of how this altruistic drive is helping me abstain from a life of hedonism. I wonder if that was [[System 1]] thinking at play 🤔 Initially, it was a rigid statue with no control over its destiny, which I resonated with in terms of being disciplined and unbothered for the sake of following my purpose. However, as the session went on, it began to change, adopting the principles of [[Wu-wei]], where despite being under some greater force, we could still have autonomy and intention in how we journey towards the destination. It broke me out of the overly serious mindset I can find myself overwhelmed by where my pure focus was altruism by incorporating more play and expression. Now, when I find myself distracted, I can always ground myself by remembering this image and headspace. Of course, simply envisioning this value of mine isn't enough to bring it to life. I need to cultivate discipline to commit to this to combat my current lack of, which leads me to… #### Body Pursuing what feels natural has led me to sleep at 6 A.M most of the year, waking up whenever I felt physically rested. At first, it felt liberating to no longer be under an external deadline to wake up. After all, it's the natural bedtime I find myself naturally gravitating towards. But I feel like this forgiving approach did more harm than good. So, on the 4th, I decided to fix it. By sleeping the whole day 🤣 Instead of sleeping at 6, I… started my day at midnight? And somehow, it worked? The first few days of waking up so early were dreadful. I'm given flashbacks to my sleep-deprived mornings in high school and 4:30 A.M. university days. But as with any form of delayed gratification, the results have been surprisingly rewarding. It's like how the restrictions of time blocking help us live an intentional life. Waking up so early has helped me remember the importance of rigidity and [[Embracing discomfort]]. However, this is only part of my discipline protocol. Aside from my sleep, I plan to *maintain the other body-related habits I have to be in my cognitive prime*: - Workout within the first four hours of waking to build discipline - Light cardio every day since [[Movement and exercise activates cognition]] - Eating greens + creatine + supplements every day - Waking up at ~2:30 A.M. every day with at least 7.5 hours in bed to also build discipline It's your standard healthy lifestyle, but I'm not interested in doing anything more. As I said, my goal is to be in my cognitive, not optimize for muscle growth or longevity. Speaking of which… #### Mind My goal for this year was simple: be mindful of what made me unhappy. By being mindful, I could actively work towards navigating these emotions and transforming them into the joy I sought. Unfortunately, the first two months this year felt awful. After having my ADHD appointment in February, I was diagnosed with ADHD-C, moderate depression, and mild anxiety. Fortunately, medication has helped tremendously. But at a cost. Although my unmotivated and gloomy parts subsided, it was at the expense of my emotions as a whole. I guess there's no longer a need to be mindful of what made me unhappy if I don't feel anything in the first place 🤪 On medication, I could achieve peak focus and overcome the pull of short-term pleasures… but at the cost of suppressing the emotional bridge that made the present moment more meaningful. It felt empowering to finally have energy and motivation, but at the same time, I felt like a robot incapable of fully appreciating and celebrating my efforts. When going through my periodic review summaries, they seemed to lack much emotional charge (probably because I didn't feel much to begin with 💀). Fortunately, near the end of the year, I came across a methodology to help me reconnect with myself again, which I shared in previous newsletter with [[Using self-therapy for digital self-actualization]]: [[Internal Family Systems (IFS)]]. If you read my reflection on [[#Joy]], understanding *Fatima* is an example of that in action. So, this year's goal is to *Allow myself to feel emotions by making room for contemplation and IFS*. Maybe IFS will get replaced by something else — who knows? Especially after seeing the dullness of some of my weekly summaries, I've been journalling a LOT more than I used to, actually taking the time to acknowledge how I'm currently feeling. A major catalyst to approaching this has been, once again, my coaching session with [Dennis](https://dennisbxiao.com/). When he prompted me to tune into my bodily sensations more, I felt energy and activation in my bodily area between my shoulders and my knees. My head, the place I've been operating from, was isolated from the aliveness of my heart and my gut. As we continued to unfold deeper by getting to know my part *Fatima*, I felt a newfound energy fuelled by my vivid sense of altruism. Like a volcanic lava lamp, it was pumping warmth throughout these confines, even to my hands, which, outside of this session, are usually freezing cold. He asked me what I felt like this energy was inviting me to say, to which I replied, *be free*. It was as if I could no longer contain this energy in the confines of my torso and instead wanted to connect it with the rest of my body. After putting my hand on my heart and taking a few deep breaths, I said the words once more. What happened next was irrational and indescribable but **powerful**. I felt a surge of stimulation and warmth penetrate the confines of the shoulder and flow into my head. Saying *be free* meant more than just the imaginational energy flowing through. It meant freeing my mind from its isolation from the rest of the body, adopting a deeper sense of connectedness with my heart and, ultimately, my emotions. Free from the hurt from previous relationships where emotional expression was criticized and denounced. Free from suppressing my emotions to avoid heartbreak. Free from the emotional blunting caused by medication. I want to see and act in the world through this integration. I want to continue nurturing this level of self-awareness to be in touch with the truest version of myself. A large part of achieving this is working with the final health-related area in my wheel of life: the soul. #### Soul *Become more wise to overcome self-deception.* This 2024 goal was quite vague — to find a way each day to implement any methods for [[Overcoming self-deception]] outlined in the note. At first, trying to incorporate some of the following principles into my life was fun, but its importance eventually faded. I was already doing most of these to an extent, but I also felt like I had a cloudy understanding of what it means to truly cultivate wisdom. That was until I started picking up [[After Socrates]]. One thing I've enjoyed about these [[12-Month Celebration|yearly aspirations]] is how the same statement can evolve in meaning and depth as the year progresses, which is exactly what happened as I started going through this course. Being introduced to these ideas from [[Awakening from the meaning crisis]] was a beautifully transformative 50 episodes, but it lacked guidance on practicality and active integration into my life. Fortunately, After Socrates feels like the complementary answer to this deficit. Not only has it given me an even deeper understanding of the concepts I had already found powerful, but the suggested exercises are so rich and diverse that mastering them could be a lifelong pursuit. Although I struggle to engage in daily deliberate practice, rotating through the exercises based on what feels most important and accessible has felt grounding. So, this year my intention is to *continue my ecology of practices to integrate a deeper understanding of wisdom*. Instead of trying to drown myself in [[Propositional knowing]] by reading more books, I want to spend more time internalizing and integrating the ideas that resonate with me. Doing these practices is like learning about learning. Focusing on this meta-skill of [[Relevance realization]] can help me engage with everything else in life more deeply. #### Mission *Elaborate on Digital Self-Actualization through philosophy and workflows.* In the first half of the year, I did just that. I created my series of personal notes related to [[Digital Self-Actualization]] to try and describe my relationship with technology and personal growth. I worked on major updates to the [[Ultimate Starter Vault]] to support a comprehensive process for life design. After quitting my job, I was in a prime position to go all-in on [[The pathless path|the autonomus path I set out for myself]]. I was ready to invest my savings into my vision. But as you can see through my upload schedule and consistency, you could even say I did less than when I was in full-time school or work 😅 So, what happened? A part of my goal was to focus on my Vtuber aspect of my brand to be a creator for the online demographic I resonated with. This meant investing in a new model to allow for more creative potential, learning Blender to create unique illustrations in my videos, and preparing other forms of media, like live streaming, to match the media my target demographic was already used to. But as I started doing it, I got mixed reactions. Some felt like it lowered the quality of my videos. At first, it was paralyzing and demoralizing to see my efforts cause the opposite of my main intentions, but it does make sense. If my main channel's focus is on educational videos that help people live better lives by sharing my experiences, then my creative decisions should be made to prioritize it. This would leave my Vtuber plans for personal rambles and whatever creative stuff I want to do on my second channel. Otherwise, I would be failing to reach the people who would find my videos helpful. I'd like to think it's not how [[Influencers are controlled by audience capture|being captured by my audience]], but just having more intention and clarity with my different creative mediums. So, for 2025, I want to double down on this by setting this year's intention to *reconnecting with my deep drive for altruism and intimacy in my work. My videos should be fuelled by a sense of wonder as I share interesting ideas and workflows. As I outlined in my writing [[On rekindling old passions]], I want to use my passion for coding not for a good salary but to help build something meaningful. Echoing ideas of being [[Against entrepreneurship]], I've felt less of a need for entrepreneurship since I already find fulfillment in the employee work I'm doing, which has been the case with [[Linking Your Thinking]], and recently [[Morgen|Morgen Calendar]]. Instead of worrying about all factors like financial growth, marketing, and more, I can contribute to meaningful missions through my expertise, letting me operate from a place of growth rather than survival. #### Money I'm too lazy to write about this much, but I've began to devalue the notion of [[Financial Independence, Retire Early (FIRE)]]. There's a baseline of saving you should be doing to have a financially secure future, but trying to optimize your wealth for the sake of freedom dismisses the fulfilling life you could already be living. Instead, I've put my energy towards finding ways to have my money spent be meaningful, which led to [[My story, why im grateful for all of you, and my plans for the future|becoming a home-owner to give back to my parents]]. Money has become less important the work I want to do. Of course I still need a living wage that can support yourself, but I feel that having meaningful work triumphs any amount of additional income for recreational wealth. #### Growth Throughout the past year, my relationship with productivity has shifted. [[The Burnout Society]] helped open my eyes to the dangers of living a life of continuous improvement. The phenomenon of [[Auto-exploitation]] is partially what led me to feel so awful at the start of the year as I heavily prioritized productivity. I began caring much less about metrics and societal standards of success. Instead, I wanted to put that on more subjective, personal growth. On exploration rather than exploitation. On higher-order goals and yearly intentions over concrete projects and achievements. In turn, I was much less "productive" in the traditional sense. Things were usually half-finished, like my 4+ scripted videos 🥲 I would write the initial draft but then not want to finish, which I don't think has ever happened during my other years of creating. Sunk cost fallacy would have bugged me enough to overcome the internal friction and finish the video. Furthermore, my yearly intention was to read and take notes on 26 books. It gave me flexibility in consistently progressing towards a goal, even if my interests changed. Whether it be reading about productivity or philosophy, I made some quality notes on the prominent books throughout the year, which continue to shape my worldview. Or at least until I started watching [[After Socrates]]. As the series took up most of my learning efforts, I felt slightly disappointed with the deviation from my goals. Once again, I stopped making progress on my goals. But seriously? The number 26 isn't relevant to deeper essence as to why I made that goal. I found myself in [[Modal confusion]], emphasizing metrics that were only a proxy for my true intentions. In reality, by watching the series and taking notes, I was still aligned with the core reason why I started my reading goal: to actively deepen my connection with what I learn. For this year, I want to continue pursuing this form of slow learning, but it will not be my main catalyst for growth. A bigger problem I faced and want to improve on… was my time management, which continues to be an ever-evolving enigma. At first, it helped me capitalize on my drive to self-improve by keeping a rigid schedule. But in 2024, it didn't complement the spontaneity of my exploration phase. If I didn't set clear intentions for how I should spend my time, it was much easier to doom-scroll or play games. So far, this year has been a strong 180 with my new multi-faceted intention: *📈 Double down on the autonomous self by creating my ideal time management philosophy in [[Morgen|Morgen Calendar]]. Have a hierarchy of priorities to keep working towards my goals interesting and flexible. Always document and record tasks so planning an ideal, intrinsically motivating day is as easy as creating slots and entering flow.* After trying Morgen for a few months and trying out their *AI Planner* features, I've been exploring how it can facilitate this pursuit of intentional productivity across my life areas. To become a part of my [[Extended mind]] to support my lack of [[Executive Function]]. I can craft a fulfilling day by creating time slots for my ongoing projects, factoring in long-term priority and spontaneous excitement. I can have a schedule suggested based on the most important tasks across all projects and apps, which I can then fine-tune to create an ideal but flexible plan. Instead of feeling disappointed with not achieving everything I wanted to do this year, I can embrace my finitude, knowing that I was living by my values within my limits. #### Romance I intentionally set my ideal rating as a 5 and chose not to think about relationships much, but as I was going through my journals from this year and previous ones, I noticed a correlation: my most emotionally nuanced and self-aware journals often occurred during phases of romantic engagement. At times I just felt impressed and jealous about my descriptions and thoughts 😅 It makes sense — to have a deep connection with someone, you need to have a strong foundation yourself. Being in love makes you less logical. I've been devaluing the importance of a relationship, but the character it brings out in me could be the key to actualizing my yearly theme of connection. Now, I still don't think I want to seek anything out proactively, but I think it's helpful to try and incorporate that felt sense of intimacy in my other relationships: *Remember the significance of relationships in your life. Don't be proactive, but live in a way my future significant other would accept and love.* #### Family During my first psychedelic experience, I felt a deep sense of contentment as I imagined a future scenario of going to the grocery store with my wife and children to get ingredients, cook supper, and eat it on the very same dining table I was experiencing the trip at. It was a powerful moment that made me realize the fulfillment of a simple life grounded in connection and values. Although I'm not a father or husband, moving into my new home with my parents has given me glimpses of that feeling. Whether it be admiring the furniture, eating my dad's tasty food I've missed out on for the past 3 years of being away, or doing all the errands that come with having a home, I've come to appreciate the simple moments in a way I wasn't able to during my extreme productivity phase. If you're interested in reading more, I shared more thoughts when this happened earlier in the year at [[My story, why im grateful for all of you, and my plans for the future]] For this year, my goal is to think of a weekly activity to share with my parents, whether it be learning my dad's skills or even doing something mindless like watching Beast Games 🤪 #### Friends I feel my thoughts and growth were well illustrated in my writing [[Building lifelong friends for self-actualization]], so I suggest just reading that 😅 This year, my goal is to do something similar to my yearly intention for `Family`: having one weekly friend activity. I don't want to do too much, as it isn't as big of a priority compared to other areas. ### 2025 Overall, the average of my weekly ratings was within one range of the ideal rating I had set for myself, which I feel was reflected with the reviews and reflections throughout the year. Apologies for rushing this last part as I've already spent a hefty amount of time writing and reflecting on the above, but expect these technical aspects to be part of future videos and newsletters. I'm heading into the new year with a shift in priorities clearly displayed in [[My Vision Board]]: ![[Weekly Wondering 2025-W03-20250119101621954.webp]] ![[Weekly Wondering 2025-W03-20250119101943740.webp]] As part of my yearly theme, my mind and mission ratings have become my major priorities at 9 and 10, respectively. To keep track of the main priorities for this quarter, my quarterly view looks something like this: ![[Weekly Wondering 2025-W03-20250119102036476.webp]] These are then broken into prioritized areas and hours… ![[Weekly Wondering 2025-W03-20250119102231012.webp]] Which is then translated into an ideal week in Morgen like this, flexible to adjustments when I plan out the specific tasks the day of: ![[Weekly Wondering 2025-W03-20250119103110059.webp]] If you've resonated with my yearly review and want to have a similar setup for planning and visualizing your year, you can learn more about my process in [[My Alignment Philosophy]]. Also, to give back for my significant and transformative experience: if you enjoyed the reflections and insights I shared from my sessions with Dennis, I highly recommend you experience it yourself and [schedule a conversation with him](https://dennisbxiao.com/). Lastly, if you've reached it this far, thanks for taking the time to read through all ~4500 words 😅 I'd love to hear what resonated and what similar reflections or plans you have for this year. ## My Free Resources Thank you for being a part of this journey :) If you want to level up your productivity or personal knowledge management, you can check out the following free resources: 🧠 [Organize your life and knowledge by building your second brain](https://free.johnmavrick.com/code-method) 📃 [Get my FREE 4-part Obsidian beginner course with 20+ templates](https://free.johnmavrick.com/obsidian-templates) 🕸️ [Set up a powerful zettelkasten in Obsidian for learning](https://free.johnmavrick.com/zettelkasten) 👩‍🏫 [3 Days to Lecture Note Taking Mastery](https://course.aidanhelfant.com/3daystolecturenotetakingmastery?ref=JohnMavrickYT): 🤖 [Get my FREE Ultimate Guide to using AI for PKM with 15+ prompts](https://free.johnmavrick.com/ai-pkm)