The anxious-avoidant cycle often goes like this. The anxious person wants more connection, time, and validation from their partner. The avoidant partner feels uncomfortable but feels pressure to meet these demands/expectations. Since many love avoidants struggle with feelings of guilt (due to [enmeshment](https://renewbreakupbootcamp.com/what-is-an-enmeshed-relationship/) as a child), they may give in and then resent their partner. Or they may feel so suffocated and controlled that they pull away and withdraw, often without communicating what’s going on. The anxious feels the distance and takes more steps to close the gap. They might chase, ask for more affection, and pout or get angry if they don’t get their need for closeness met. The avoidantly attached partner feels more pressure, perceives their partner as ‘too needy’ and pulls away further to create more space. When the anxious finally gives up and stops trying, the avoidant will often then re-engage, pulling the anxiously attached partner back in – and the cycle continues. ## Solution - Root cause - both do not feel safe with intimacy - Anxious feels it is beyond their control - Avoidant feels that it will only cause pain