Codependence is a learned behavior, so it can be actively unlearned. I would strongly suspect that somewhere in his past, probably his childhood, he was emotionally neglected, emotionally abandoned, possibly physically abandoned. ### Relabelling There's really no such thing as codependency - only functional dependency and dysfunctional dependency. Co-dependency was originally coined to refer to the relationship between an alcoholic (like you mentioned) and their enabler. But in recent years it's become a term used to shame someone who "cares too much" about a dysfuctional person. Experienced counselors will try to steer clear of this type of presumptive labeling. We are all dependent on loved ones for something whether it be love, attention, security, companionship, stability, excitement etc. And those expectations are typically healthy and rational. **It becomes dysfunctional when only one party is receiving while the other is giving and those roles are imbalanced.** What would be more beneficial would be to focus on different attachment perspectives and learn to set boundaries with those around us. We should never feel shame for being empathetic or attempting to improve the lives of others. We just need to remember to take care of ourselves too. ## Signs - Needs lots of reassurance - Will feel incredibly sorry even though it's not a big deal to the other person ### From Partner's Perspective - I still engage in social activities but feel guilty because I know he's waiting for me to finish so he can talk to me. ## Solutions ## start being honest with yourself take a break from them - Find your own individuality ## codependents anonymous ## setting boundaries work on self-esteem