> This is the weirdest one to me. I'm completely on board with your reaction here. There's no way in hell I'd ever even know I was interested in someone that deeply after a single hour. Maybe this is part of the friction felt back when I was dating; others lost interest after an hour, but to me it felt like it takes far longer to develop such meaningful interest/connection. Let me get to know you first, then let's see where it goes. In my mind, no one was getting to the "SO zone" without going through the "friend zone" first, so to speak. Contrariwise, it seemed I was more willing to take people on casual dates to get to know someone than the people I tried to ask, and kept feeling like I was getting the message "don't date people unless you already know you're going to marry them." Um, okay, how are you supposed to actually get to know someone then? "Be friends first." So you do that, and are told later you've been put into the "friend zone" because you didn't express interest immediately. I was told I was wrong either way. > Writing it out, I can see why this looks like a contradiction. But it's actually a tension within us between "take it slowly, date someone so you can get to know someone and see if you actually develop a deeper interest over time" and "how dare you lead someone on by asking them out on a date when you weren't even really interested in them to begin with!" So we adapt by trying to just be friends first, only to get hit with "well they lost interest after about an hour because you weren't expressing interest yourself." > I never found any real solution to this, aside from finally meeting someone that was actually interested in being friends first and developing mutual interest that way. Like others have said, in some ways the rules have to be ignored so that you can actually be you, and then you can attract the people that are naturally attracted to you, and not just to the rules you're following. The "rules" all seem self-contradictory anyway. I personally am okay with just being friends and maintaining boundaries as long as there is a shared intent to work towards something more meaning. Part of me says this because I prefer to be on the same page as them and to not prematurely advance. I think the people who you're interested in and are reciprocal about it will be patient. https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/comments/nbhag6/infj_males_bad_in_dating/