https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8G_mRtIsV8&ab_channel=LaurenSapala ## Qualities - love actually starts after infatuation ### Quick Obsession - Can't stop thinking about them, probably due to [[Limerence]] - we feel connected to the selective version in our heads - best thing to do is stop fighting it and accept the obsessive period > Oh boy is this me. The first time I asked her to marry me within a couple months. The second time within two weeks (luckily she dumped me). The third and final time within a couple months and we’ve been married for twenty-three years - Now that is an extreme example 😭 ### Rejection Sensitivity - fear of abandonment, go into hyper-info gathering mode - make us feel like an obsessive stalker - can just have intense deep feelings, afraid that they will know about feelings - don't want to be blindsided to paint a psychological portrait - floods our nervous system, too much feelings so we want time to ourselves - not stalkers since we are not trying to own or push our agenda - in reality, we want them to have their own freedom and authenticity. we just want to protect ourselves as well. ### Push Pull - Want to be with them but also feel uncomfortable, leads to push pull - Not attracted to outer which is traditional - Attracted to essence that we deeply resonate with - can't stop thinking, always end up in proximity - get lots of intuitions ### Confusion - [[INFJ platonic and romantic are on the same dimension]] ## Causes - loneliness and being touch starved 💀 - usually attracted to people based on wounds - if they also have a wound that aligns with our healer, it creates intense magnetic crushing - ex) expressing yourself ## Rationalization - find a flaw and start hammering it - [[Viewing your crush objectively]]