love requires a real, [meaningful connection](https://www.brides.com/marriage-secrets-from-married-couples-5184605) with another person, while limerence is all about the chase and lusting after someone - **You think the person will complete you.** Are you looking for a relationship or are you looking for someone to fix you? "Limerence is the feeling that the object of their desire will complete them," says Mackenzie. "This can be a form of trauma-bonding where one person is seeking to be 'saved' by another." - This is just [[Codependency]] - **You want them whether they are good for you or not.** A loving, nurturing relationship should be all about mutual respect. You should grow *with* the relationship. However, when it comes to limerence, all of that goes directly out of the window. "The limerent person is desperate to have the object no matter whether it is good for either of them and they may idealize them," says Mackenzie. - **You ignore the person’s flaws.** Seeing a bunch of [red flags](https://www.brides.com/red-flags-in-a-relationship-5112037) and ignoring them? You might be in limerence. "With love, each person has the possibility to see the other’s flaws and still like them and there is more safety and genuine reciprocity," explains Mackenzie. "This involves the happiness hormones such as oxytocin and vasopressin. There is clear communication and reciprocity." - **You neglect your own needs for them.** Is this infatuation taking priority over your needs? "The difference is if someone gives up their needs and wants to obsessively focus on the other person and that there might be intermittent reinforcement from the limerent object by occasional connection and not real friendship or love. - **You’re scared of real connection.** Real talk: There could be an underlying reason that your default is limerence. "Deep down the limerent person may be afraid of genuine connection and may be more comfortable with distance. There may be psychological reasons and fear why they prefer obsessing over connecting." 1. In love, **you give affection**, whereas here, you desire it. 2. You see your partner as perfect in limerence, while in love, **you see them as a human with flaws, but accept them anyway**. 3. You are continuously thinking of your partner, but with love, **you only think of them when you want to**. 4. You don’t care about their feelings or well-being. When you are in love, **their well-being becomes a priority**. 5. You don’t enjoy being away from your partner or want to do everything with them v/s in love, **you want to have space and different hobbies that you both can pursue individually**. 6. You experience stress, frustration, and a fear of rejection based on their actions or reciprocity. In love, **you experience a sense of calmness, peace, and security**. 7. Limerence is addictive, whereas **love is liberating.** I personally believe that these qualities of love can also be manifested in [[INFJ Friendships]], proving that [[INFJ romantic interests should first start as friends]]