--- ## Highlights Key points – How to know what you really want 1. **Desires are fundamentally different from needs**. Unlike physiological needs, such as hunger and thirst, a desire is an intellectual appetite for things that you perceive to be good. 2. **Desire is a social process – it’s mimetic**. As the social theorist René Girard observed, our desires don’t come from within; rather, we mimic what other people want. 3. **Identify the people or ‘models’ influencing what you want**. To better control your desires, the first step is to identify the people influencing you. 4. **Categorise these models**. Working out who is influencing you from within your world, and who is influencing you from the outside, will help you gain greater agency over your desires. 5. **Beware of becoming obsessively focused on what your neighbours have or want**. Mimetic desire often leads people into unnecessary competition and rivalry with one another. 6. **Map out the systems of desire in your life**. It’s not just individuals who influence us, but entire social systems – by identifying them, you can escape their pull. 7. **Take ownership of your desires**. Just because you are not the sole author of your desires, that doesn’t mean you can’t begin to take ownership of them. 8. **Live an anti-mimetic life**. Free yourself from the herd mentality by grounding your life in something deeper. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gmc373q7ej2yxraxh0dq6cc0)) --- Status: "🟨" tags: - readwise - input/articles Links: "" Source: https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-know-what-you-really-want-and-be-free-from-mimetic-desire Collection: "" Finished: "" Author: "Luke Burgis" Rating: "" Created: 2024-09-04 --- ## Highlights But I would have been better off asking the question *who*, not *what*, had generated and shaped my desire for the car. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01j5wb4nr7sp34qpwtbp1k6mbp)) To become more aware of the models influencing your desire, ask yourself these questions: ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01j5wb6mye50zvtqe3gsy5cg7x)) - 💭 who is your lifestyle role model? how close are you with these people? who is your anti role model? (When you’re on social media, ask yourself: *Are these people even real? Do they really want the things they model a desire for, or are we all engaged in a game of signalling?)* ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01j5wb9mfrd289gz3x0zezcq8r)) - 💭 why you need a solid core Advertisements also model desires to us, obviously, but notice how they usually work: the companies serving the ads typically show you not the thing itself, but *other people wanting the thing*. Advertisers play right into our mimetic nature. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01j5wbav71mk6ez3whg5jvbr1b)) By mapping out the system of desire that you’re enmeshed in (and probably have been your whole life), you can begin to take some critical distance from it. This will allow you to stop accepting your currently dominant desires at face value and save you from defaulting into important life choices instead of choosing them with intentionality. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01j5wbf52xn8acee5v2ggh8vn2)) know where your desires came from. Your desires have a history. You can’t know what a ‘true’ or ‘authentic’ desire is unless you understand where it came from – and that involves diving deep into your past, understanding how you have evolved as a person, and seeing which desires have been with you for a long time and which ones have come and gone like the wind. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01j5wbfsyv23bp1nagvzqt91ky)) Think about which desires you really want to own and cultivate. It doesn’t matter whether they were originally mimetic or not – the intentionality that you bring to them can allow you to become the author of a new creation. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01j5wbje89brvwmjb3k7bakq2m)) - 💭 reminds me of creativity as well, just trusting and listening to your personal taste Key points – How to know what you really want ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01j5wbnd7b3b81e9hjaerzds4v))