--- ## Highlights all my favorite people are great at a skill I’ve labeled in my head as “staring into the abyss.” ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gpcv2g7kcs9848fb62cwmf6s)) Staring into the abyss means thinking reasonably about things that are uncomfortable to contemplate ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gpcv29xjp1gfqjxxwaj5sev6)) It’s common to procrastinate on thinking hard about these things because it might require you to acknowledge that you were very wrong about something in the past, and perhaps wasted a bunch of time based on that ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gpcv384we58pqnj99kcfvr0e)) Another place where people frequently fail to stare into the abyss is when they take a job that turns out not to be very good. I’ve often seen people stay in these jobs for far longer than seems reasonable, even when the job market in their field is very hot and they could easily find a better position somewhere else. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gpcv9zwef82aekqjejadv343)) If you do it too little, you’ll end up taking too long to make important life improvements; but if you do it too often, you might end up not investing enough in being great at your current job or relationship because you’re too focused on the prospect of next one ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gpcvd7bqdpx2hakyvatthepz)) One solution to the timing problem is to check in about your abyss-staring on a schedule. For example, if you think it might be time for you to change jobs, rather than idly ruminating about it for weeks, block out a day or two to really seriously weigh the pros and cons and get advice, with the goal at the end of deciding either to leave, or to stay and stop thinking about quitting until you’ve gotten a bunch of new information ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gpcvdmjezbtx6085b4znh2py)) right decision for them. (I’ve never experienced a clearness committee, ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gpcvqr3ssfrx460dc5zj66ay)) To help with that, I’ll close with some uncomfortable but hopefully productive questions: - If you had to leave your job today, what would you do instead? - What’s the best argument in favor of doing that right now? - If you have a partner, what’s the best argument in favor of breaking up with them? - Are there ways you behave that you wish you didn’t? What unacknowledged desires could be driving those? - [What have you said “yes” to that you wouldn’t say “hell yes” to?](https://sive.rs/hyn) (prompted by [Alex Watt](https://twitter.com/alexcwatt)) - Is there something you “should” do that you’re not currently doing? Why? (prompted by [Silas Strawn](https://twitter.com/silas_strawn)) - What bad things are you afraid of happening? [Imagine in detail what it would be like if they happened.](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/3XgYbghWruBMrPTAL/leave-a-line-of-retreat) (prompted by [Kamilé Lukosiute](https://twitter.com/kamilelukosiute)) - What do you need that you’re not currently getting? (—[David MacIver](https://twitter.com/DRMacIver/status/1478016162092965889)) - What are you avoiding because it conflicts with some part of your identity / self-image? (—[Nicholas Schiefer](https://twitter.com/nschiefer/status/1478181997965197315); more at link) - “What is the biggest thing in your life that you just kinda casually fell into and would you have made a conscious decision to do it if you’d known in advance everything you know now?” (—[@GeniesLoki](https://twitter.com/GeniesLoki/status/1309411888753762304); hundreds more at link) ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01gpcvergt7v36tndj4cfdhtzf))