## Summary ## Notes ## Highlights - Initiates contact - Have a purpose to all communication. Focus on that purpose. Everything you say should further that purpose. *never* tell the other person what that purpose is. - Engages with people (not just "…hey" but "Hey, Anne! I love your haircut, looks great!") - Immediately make every conversation personal. This is a tough thing to do sometimes, but you have to be able to think on your feet and be very observant. Generally speaking, when I start a conversation with someone I've already invested some amount of time (small, large) in what I'm going to use as a 'touchpoint' between us. Even in a no-context situation, I'll try to pick something out (and it can be *obscure* - one of my favorite things is shoes, because it's totally benign and people like to talk about themselves). - Puts energy into communication (isn't necessarily always positive, but is always passionate) - Makes and sustains observations about people - Communicates interest in others - Able to sustain a conversation, even when the other party doesn't bring anything to the table - Allows for the 'conversational transition' to happen (most people take some 'warming up' before they are psychologically 'ready' to talk - when they get warm, a charismatic person changes from a 'talking' mode to a 'listening' mode) - Don't allow insecurity or negative emotion to show - Don't 'undercut' yourself (don't make self-depracating comments unless you really mean it as a joke) - Don't 'undercut' others (criticize freely and energetically, but as before always connect it with a purpose and not just out of misplaced discomfort) - Smile a lot - Look person in the eyes when you are talking, **don't** look them in the eyes when they are talking - I usually look them in the mouth. This enhances listening and makes them 'search' - Be expressive with your face - Don't use verbal pauses at all. It's better to be silent than say "uhm" - it feels like you don't know what you're saying. - Use gestures, the more energetic and over the top, the better. - If you can make someone laugh in a benign way (don't insult others), this is probably the single best way to keep their attention. Be liberal with the jokes; but always and quickly transition back to the 'topic at hand' - this lets people know you are serious, but friendly. - No sarcasm or deadpan jokes. Many people overestimate how easy they are to read. It's funny, and maybe I'll do it as an 'aside' - but never in the thread of the conversation. - Terminate the conversation confidently. Say thanks for your time, handshake, walk away, don't look back. You be the one to leave, not the other person.