## Notes ## Highlights By the end of this book, you will never again wonder what it really takes to succeed when starting a new project at work or pursuing a bold new dream. You will be empowered with a set of reliable habits that research has shown to work with a broad range of personalities, and in a variety of situations, to create extraordinary long-term results. You’ll feel a new sense of vital energy and confidence from knowing where to focus your energies and how to serve most effectively. You’ll understand how to keep growing after you’ve enjoyed initial success. (Location 81) They’re wondering how to reach heightened and sustained growth and success. (Location 107) Without systems, you cannot test hypothesis, track progress, or repeatedly deliver exceptional results. In personal and professional development, these systems and procedures are, ultimately, habits. (Location 145) Isn’t it true that there are billions of hard workers on the bottom of the pile? Don’t you know plenty of passionate people in your hometown who have plateaued? (Location 156) There’s something frustrating about working hard, being passionate and grateful, and still not advancing, still not feeling (Location 177) There’s also something depleting about it all: excelling sometimes but feeling exhausted too often; having grit and getting paid but not feeling rewarded; being motivated but not creating real momentum; engaging with others but not really connecting; adding value but not making a dent. That’s not a vision of the life we desire. (Location 178) yes, also enjoy the journey more. I realized that the problem with the old formula for success—work hard; be passionate; focus on your strengths; practice a lot; stick to it; be grateful—is that so much of it is geared toward individual results and initial success. These things get you in the game and keep you in the game. (Location 183) I realized that the problem with the old formula for success—work hard; be passionate; focus on your strengths; practice a lot; stick to it; be grateful—is that so much of it is geared toward individual results and initial success. (Location 184) Why do some individuals and teams succeed more quickly than others and sustain that success over the long term? Of those who pull it off, why are some miserable and others happy on their journey? What motivates people to reach for higher levels of success in the first place, and what kinds of habits, training, and support help them improve faster? (Location 193) The research not only spans twenty years of my own personal development and self-experimentation, but also includes data from coaching interventions with thousands of clients, detailed before-and-after assessments from thousands of live-workshop attendees, structured interviews with hundreds of people at the top of their fields, insights gleaned from academic literature reviews, and hundreds of thousands of codified comments from my students and from my free online training videos, which have received over 100,000,000 views. (Location 208) With the right habits, anyone can dramatically increase results and become a high performer in almost any field of endeavor. (Location 213) Certainty is the enemy of growth and high performance. (Location 235) high performers outgrow their youthful need for certainty and replace it with curiosity and genuine self-confidence. (Location 239) Too many are checking in to all the apps and stats and still losing touch with their real ambitions and soul. (Location 244) high performance refers to succeeding beyond standard norms, consistently over the long term. (Location 247) A Super Bowl–winning quarterback doesn’t just know how to throw a ball. He has had to master mental toughness, nutrition, self-discipline, team leadership, strength and conditioning, contract negotiations, brand building, and so on. (Location 256) ^9biq3u It’s not just about achievement in a profession or in just one area of interest. It’s about creating a high performance life, in which you experience an ongoing feeling of full engagement, joy, and confidence that comes from being your best self. (Location 266) High performers are more successful than their peers, yet they are less stressed. (Location 285) High performers love challenges and are more confident that they will achieve their goals despite adversity. (Location 290) High performers are healthier than their peers. (Location 294) The top 5 percent of high performers are 40 percent more likely to exercise three times per week. (Location 296) High performers work passionately regardless of traditional rewards. (Location 310) - 💭 Im puttng too much worry over gpa High performers work hard not because of money but because of something called necessity, (Location 312) They’re less into “finding their strengths” and more into “adaptive service”—exploring what needs fixing and growing into the person who can fix it. (Location 324) that high performers get more things done that are highly valued in their primary field of interest. They remember that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. (Location 329) be leaders who can adapt to challenging circumstances and guide others to their own successes and contributions. In this capacity, high performers can go from project to project and succeed, over and over. It’s as if you could put them in any context, any team, any company, any industry, and they would win—not because they’re geniuses or lone wolves, but because they positively influence others to rise. They don’t just develop skill; they develop people. (Location 335) We call these six habits the HP6. They have to do with clarity, energy, necessity, productivity, influence, and courage. They reflect what high performers actually do continually—from goal to goal, from project to project, from team to team, from person to person. Each of the habits is learnable, improvable, and deployable across all contexts of life. (Location 351) “Why can’t you just be happy with what you have?” Those who say this don’t understand high performers. (Location 390) It’s okay that you want more. Don’t fear your new ambitions. (Location 392) To succeed, always remember that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. (Location 412) ^lvsnfn - 💭 Important 2. Read the next two chapters today. (Location 440) figure out how to help someone improve their performance. It often began with asking the client questions about what he or she wanted, and what “limiting beliefs” got in the way. You also interviewed them about the past, trying to spot any events that might be influencing current behaviors. Second, you used assessment tools to help determine personality styles, patterns, and preferences. The goal was to help people better understand themselves and any behaviors that might help them succeed. Popular tools included Myers-Briggs, the Clifton StrengthsFinder, the Kolbe A™ Index, and the DiSC® Test. Often, the life coach would hire experts or consultants certified in these tools, to help administer them. Third, the coach would sift through performance reviews from work and talk to the people around the client, using 360-degree assessments to figure out how others perceived them and what others wanted from them. You’d talk to the people they lived and worked with. Fourth, you’d evaluate their actual output. You’d look at their past results to see what stood out, what processes helped them create good work, how they most loved to make an impact. So in this tradition, I did all these things. Because Tom liked tangible data and reports, we spent a lot of time taking and then discussing the assessments. We worked with several high-level consultants who were experts in the various tools. We had binders full of information. Then, over a span of two years, despite knowing my client’s traits, talents, scores, and background, I watched him continually fail. I (Location 491) We also took additional surveys asking the self-reported high performers questions such as: (Location 549) - 💭 Interview 9 We found that not only do the six habits combine to correlate with high performance, but each habit correlates with high performance on its own. (Location 577) If you want to reach higher levels of performance in anything you do, you must consistently do the following: Seek clarity on who you want to be, how you want to interact with others, what you want, and what will bring you the greatest meaning. As every project or major initiative begins, you ask questions such as “What kind of person do I want to be while I’m doing this?” “How should I treat others?” “What are my intentions and objectives?” “What can I focus on that will bring me a sense of connection and fulfillment?” High performers ask these types of questions not only at the beginning of an endeavor but consistently throughout. They don’t just “get clarity” once and develop a mission statement that lasts the test of time; they consistently seek clarity again and again as times change and as they take on new projects or enter new social situations. This kind of routine self-monitoring is one of the hallmarks of their success. Generate energy so that you can maintain focus, effort, and wellbeing. To stay on your A game, you’ll need to actively care for your mental stamina, physical energy, and positive emotions in very specific ways. Raise the necessity for exceptional performance. This means actively tapping into the reasons you absolutely must perform well. This necessity is based on a mix of your internal standards (e.g., your identity, beliefs, values, or expectations for excellence) and external demands (e.g., social obligations, competition, public commitments, deadlines). It’s about always knowing your why and stoking that fire all the time so you feel the needed drive or pressure to get at it. Increase productivity in your primary field of interest. Specifically, focus on prolific quality output (PQO) in the area in which you want to be known and to drive impact. You’ll also have to minimize distractions (including opportunities) that steal your attention from creating PQO. Develop influence with those around you. It will make you better at getting people to believe in and support your efforts and ambitions. Unless you consciously develop a positive support network, major achievements over the long haul are all but impossible. Demonstrate courage by expressing your ideas, taking bold action, and standing up for yourself and others, even in the face of fear, uncertainty, threat, or changing conditions. Courage is not an occasional act, but a trait of choice and will. (Location 583) ^qmvzjz Regardless of what you are naturally good at, to rise higher you must go beyond what came naturally to you at birth or in your teen years, right? That’s why the innate argument doesn’t hold up so well. To reach exceptional performance and win over the long term, you will be required to develop well beyond what is easy or natural to you, because the real world is full of uncertainty and ever-increasing demands for growth. Your “natural” birth strengths will not be enough. (Location 624) Knowing your label or strength and just trying to be “more of that” is like telling a bear that’s trying to get honey out of a nest high on an unexplored cliff, “Just try being more of a bear.” (Location 633) Let’s stop spending all this money on expensive strength and personality assessments in vain attempts to categorize people, and instead focus on training our people in proven habits that anyone can use to up their performance. (Location 635) We like to think of the HP6 as “meta-habits” because they make all other good habits in life fall into place. (Location 686) HP6 is that each improvement in any one area improves the others. (Location 689) HP6 predict overall happiness, (Location 693) When people talk about how they feel in high performance, they report feeling full engagement, joy, and confidence (in that order). This means they tend to be fully immersed in what they are doing, they enjoy what they’re doing, and they have confidence in their ability to figure things out. (Location 702) Determination, focus, intention, deliberateness, and conscientiousness rounded out the top concepts people used to describe what being in high performance felt like. (Location 707) No matter what Kate is talking about, you can tell she’s genuinely interested in you. (Location 778) I’m not drowning. I’m just sort of frustrated and restless at the same time. (Location 813) I bet you know a lot of people like Kate. She’s hardworking, smart, capable, caring. Like a lot of achievers, she has a list of goals, and she accomplishes most of them. But the truth is she doesn’t know what will bring the vibrancy back into her life. (Location 824) you don’t “have” clarity; you generate it. (Location 873) You generate clarity by asking questions, researching, trying new things, sorting through life’s opportunities, and sniffing out what’s right for you. (Location 874) Clarity on who you are is associated with overall self-esteem. This means that how positive you feel about yourself is tied to how well you know yourself. (Location 880) Next, you need to have unambiguous and challenging goals. Decades of research show that having specific and difficult goals increases performance, whether those goals are created by you or assigned to you. (Location 884) higher clarity scores are significantly associated with greater confidence, overall happiness, and assertiveness. (Location 899) the highest performers had a great ability to focus on the future and divine how they would achieve excellence. (Location 920) they consistently thought about who they wanted to be and how to become that. They didn’t just know their strengths today; they knew what broader skill sets they would have to master in coming months and years to serve with excellence at the next level. They didn’t just have clear plans to achieve their goals this quarter; (Location 922) **High performers are clear on their intentions for themselves, their social world, their skills, and their service to others. I call these areas self, social, skills, and service, or the Future Four. (Location 934)** ^qo8o7h people think of themselves constantly, but much of that thinking is just negative ruminations. So what makes the difference is that high performers imagine a positive version of themselves in the future, and then they actively engage in trying to be that. This part about actively engaging is important. They aren’t waiting to demonstrate a characteristic next week or next month. They are living into their best self now. (Location 954) These three words became my clarity checkpoint in life. Every night, lying in bed just before dozing off, I would ask myself, “Did I live fully today? Did I love? Did I matter?” (Location 962) the nights that I can say yes to those questions—when I feel clear and on track—are the nights I sleep best. (Location 964) This means that as Kate went about her day, an alarm would go off and she’d see her words on her phone to remind her who she was and could become. Now it’s your turn. Describe how you’ve perceived yourself in the following situations over the past several months—with your significant other, at work, with the kids or team, in social situations with strangers. Now ask, “Is that who I really see myself being in the future?” How would my future self look, feel, and behave differently in those situations? If you could describe yourself in just three aspirational words—words that would sum up who you are at your best in the future—what would those words be? Why are those words meaningful to you? Once you find your words, put them in your phone as an alarm label that goes off several times per day. (Location 978) High performers also have clear intentions about how they want to treat other people. They have high situational awareness and social intelligence, which help them succeed and lead.7 In every situation that matters, they know who they want to be and how they want to interact with others. (Location 986) Before you went into your last meeting, did you think about how you wanted to interact with each person in the meeting? Before your last phone call, did you think about the tone you would choose to use with the other person? On your last night out with your partner or friends, did you set an intention for the energy you wanted to create? When you were dealing with that last conflict, did you think about your values and how you wanted to come across to the other person when you talked to them? Do you actively think about how to be a better listener, how to generate positive emotions with others, how you can be a good role model? (Location 991) - 💭 Prompts How can I be a good person or leader in this upcoming situation? What will the other person(s) need? What kind of mood and tone do I want to set? (Location 999) When asked to choose words that describe their best interactions with others, high performers most often responded with words such as thoughtful, appreciative, respectful, open, honest, empathetic, loving, caring, kind, present, and fair. (Location 1002) When you are constantly juggling and feel depleted, you don’t think about the future. You’re just trying to survive today, (Location 1019) Write down each person’s name in your immediate family and team. Imagine that in twenty years each person is describing why they love and respect you. If each person could say just three words to summarize the interactions they had with you in life, what would you want those three words to be? Next time you’re with each of those people, approach your time with them as an opportunity to demonstrate those three qualities. Have those words as the goal and start living into those qualities. Challenge yourself to be that person now. This will bring life back into your relationships. (Location 1027) They’ve built a curriculum for themselves and are actively engaged in learning. What’s clearly linking all these blocks of scheduled time is the desire to develop specific skill sets. (Location 1040) High performers are also working on skills that focus on what I call their primary field of interest (PFI). (Location 1044) This means high performers approach their learning not as generalists but as specialists. (Location 1050) Instead, I zeroed in on e-mail marketing and video production. I took online courses on these topics, and I went to seminars. I hired a coach. My calendar was full of building those two skills. For eighteen months, I focused almost exclusively on learning and trying new things related to e-mail marketing and making videos. (Location 1065) I had simply looked to the future, identified what it would take to win in the industry in coming years, and then realigned my activities to develop the skills I needed to succeed. The lesson was simple but powerful: (Location 1072) Look to the future. Identify key skills. Obsessively develop those skills. (Location 1073) You can follow Kate’s lead. Try this: Think about your PFI (primary field of interest) and write down three skills that make people successful in that field. Under each skill, write down what you will do to develop it. Will you read, practice, get a coach, go to a training? When? Set up a plan to develop those skills, put it in your calendar, and stay consistent. Now think about your PFI and write down three skills that you will need in order to succeed in that field five to ten years from now. In other words, try to imagine the future. What new skill sets will you likely need then? Keep those skills on your radar, and start developing them sooner rather than later. Service It had been too long since Kate felt the difference she was making. She had lost the spirit of service to others, and that’s what had caused her to start merely going through the motions at work. Though nothing there had changed, she began perceiving her days as a series of empty tasks. Specifically, while she was a phenomenal leader at work and she truly felt the spirit of service in leading her teams, she had lost her connection to those ultimately affected by their work: her customers. It turned out that Kate hadn’t actually spoken with any of her customers in years. She had become an internal executive in a big company, far removed from the front lines—and the real people that her organization served. So she started a monthly practice of visiting her customers and really listening to them and asking what they wanted from her company in the future. Soon, her enthusiasm for work came roaring back. The last of the Four Futures, after self, social, and skills, concerns how high performers look to tomorrow and consider their service to the world. Specifically, high performers care deeply about the difference they are going to make for others and in the future in general, so they cater today’s activities to delivering those contributions with heart and elegance. This may sound like a broad description, but it’s how high performers talk. They often speak of how all the extra efforts they make to wow people today are vitally important to leaving a lasting legacy tomorrow. That’s why, for many high performers, the details (Location 1088) Think about your PFI (primary field of interest) and write down three skills that make people successful in that field. Under each skill, write down what you will do to develop it. Will you read, practice, get a coach, go to a training? When? Set up a plan to develop those skills, put it in your calendar, and stay consistent. Now think about your PFI and write down three skills that you will need in order to succeed in that field five to ten years from now. In other words, try to imagine the future. What new skill sets will you likely need then? Keep those skills on your radar, and start developing them sooner rather than later. (Location 1089) high performers care deeply about the difference they are going to make for others and in the future in general, so they cater today’s activities to delivering those contributions with heart and elegance. (Location 1103) When someone becomes disconnected from the future (Location 1112) visit HighPerformanceHabits.com/tools. (Location 1130) Performance Prompts When I think about the Future Four—self, social, skill, and service—the area that I haven’t had as much intention in as I should is … The areas in which I have not been considering those I serve and lead are … To leave a lasting legacy, the contributions I can start making now are . (Location 1132) The second practice that will help you heighten and sustain clarity in your life is to ask yourself frequently, “What is the primary feeling I want to bring to this situation, and what is the primary feeling I want to get from this situation?” (Location 1141) They can sense their emotional state in any given moment, but they often choose to override it by defining what they want to feel. (Location 1158) Emotions are generally instinctive. A triggering event—which can be an external situation or simply our brain anticipating something—generates (Location 1161) Think of an emotion as mostly a reaction, and feeling is an interpretation. (Location 1169) Whenever you “calm yourself down,” you are choosing a different feeling than the emotion that may have come up for you. (Location 1171) high performers are generating the feelings they want more often than taking the emotions that land on them. When high performing athletes say they are trying to get in the zone, what they mean is that they are trying to use their conscious attention to narrow their focus and feel in the zone. (Location 1192) flow is a feeling they choose. It is summoned, not a lucky emotion that conveniently happens to show up just in time for kickoff. (Location 1196) Next time you go on a date with someone, think about the feelings you want to create. (Location 1207) Performance Prompts The emotions I’ve been experiencing a lot of lately are … The areas of life where I’m not having the feelings I want to are … The feelings I want to experience more of in life include … The next time I feel a negative emotion come up, the thing I’m going to say to myself is . . (Location 1210) they find meaningful, and this makes them happy. (Location 1220) What emerged was that high performers tended to equate four factors with meaning. (Location 1237) if you want a positive life, you would do well to summon as much enthusiasm as possible. (Location 1242) Social relationships, especially with those closest to us, are the most frequently reported sources of meaning in life. (Location 1245) When your efforts correspond with one of your primary passions, lead to personal or professional growth, and make a clear and positive contribution to others, you tend to call those efforts satisfying. (Location 1254) Passion + Growth + Contribution = Personal Satisfaction (Location 1255) This sense of coherence seems to be particularly important to high performers. (Location 1260) Enthusiasm + Connection + Satisfaction + Coherence = Meaning (Location 1266) You need to bring more conscious and consistent thought to what you will find meaningful in life. (Location 1269) Performance Prompts The activities that I currently do that bring me the most meaning are … The activities or projects that I should stop doing, because they are not bringing me any sense of meaning, are … If I was going to add new activities that bring me more meaning, the first ones I would add would be . . (Location 1272) High performance clarity happens because we put these concepts up onto the dashboard of our conscious mind. (Location 1289) our goal is to focus on these things more consistently than you ever have before. (Location 1290) The truth is, you won’t flame out. You’ll keep working hard at an insane pace, just as you’ve done for the past fifteen years. You won’t burn out. You’ll just become utterly, tragically miserable. You’ll wake up one day, even richer and more accomplished than you are now, and life just won’t feel the way you wanted it to. (Location 1319) “Energy is eternal delight.” —William Blake (Location 1340) You’ll notice that energy isn’t just physical, which is how most people conceive of it. Mental alertness matters, too. So does positive emotion. In fact, all three have been correlated with high performance. (Location 1351) Energy is also positively related to educational attainment, creativity, and assertiveness. (Location 1365) In our surveys, married people have more energy than their never married counterparts. (Location 1374) Finally, energy is significantly related to productivity.2 If you ever want to get more done, you don’t need to buy some new (Location 1376) Stress is the ultimate energy and well-being killer. It slows the production of new brain cells, reduces serotonin and dopamine (which are critical to your mood), and fires up your amygdala while simultaneously decreasing your hippocampus function—making you a frazzled person with decreased memory. (Location 1392) A power plant transforms and transmits energy. In the same regard, you don’t “have” happiness. Rather, you transform your thoughts into feelings that are or are not happy. You don’t have to “have” sadness; you can transform it to something else. (Location 1398) You don’t have to “have” sadness; you can transform it to something else. This means you don’t have to “wait” for joy, motivation, love, excitement, or any other positive emotion in life. You can choose to generate it, on demand, any time you want, through the power of habit. (Location 1399) In a decade of coaching high performers, I’ve found that the easiest, fastest, and most effective way to help them increase their energy is to teach them to master transitions. (Location 1407) teach them to master transitions. Every day, people lose tremendous amounts of focus, will, and emotional energy by managing transitions poorly. They also lose the benefit of greater mental and physical stamina throughout the day. (Location 1408) You get the idea. Our days comprise a series of transitions. These transitions are immensely valuable—a powerful space of freedom between activities. And it’s in this space that you’ll discover your greatest restorer and amplifier of energy. (Location 1417) These transitions are immensely valuable—a powerful space of freedom between activities. (Location 1418) Now let me ask you a few questions about all these transitions: Do you ever carry over any negative energy from one activity to the next? Do you ever feel depleted but still plow into your next activity without a break, even though you know you should take a breather? Are you losing a sense of presence and appreciation for life and others the further you go in your day? (Location 1421) From now on, as you move from one major activity to another, try this: Close your eyes for the next minute or two. Repeat the word release in your mind over and over. As you do, command your body to release all the tension in your shoulders, in your neck, in your face and jaw. (Location 1427) When you feel you’ve released some tension—and it doesn’t have to be all the tension in your life!—move to the next part: SET INTENTION. This means think about what you want to feel and achieve in the next activity you’re about to take on when you open your eyes. Ask, “What energy do I want to bring into this next activity? How can I do this next activity with excellence? How can I enjoy the process?” These don’t have to be the exact questions you ask, but these are the kinds of question that will prompt your mind to be more present in the next activity. (Location 1433) I do this RELEASE TENSION, SET INTENTION activity before and after workouts, before I pick up the phone to call someone, before I write an e-mail to my team, (Location 1446) If you’d like to go to another level of mastery, try a twenty-minute practice called the Release Meditation Technique (RMT). (Location 1451) Just close your eyes, sit up straight, and, breathing deeply, let the tension fall away from your body as you keep repeating the word release to yourself. As thoughts inevitably come up in your mind, don’t try to chase them away or ponder them—just let them go and return to the “release” mantra. (Location 1453) visit YouTube and type in my name and “Release Meditation Technique.” (Location 1456) Performance Prompts The things that cause me the most amount of tension each day are … A way I could remind myself to release that tension throughout the day is … If I felt more energy each day, I would be more likely to … When I reset my energy each day with this practice, I’d like to start the next activity feeling . (Location 1479) bring more joy into your daily life. Joy won’t just make you a high performer, it will cue almost every other positive human emotion we desire in life. (Location 1491) Positive emotion is a prerequisite for high performance. And only you are in charge of your enduring emotional experience. (Location 1509) . . prime the emotions they want to experience, in advance of key events (or of the day in general). They think about how they want to feel, and ask themselves questions, or practice visualizations, that generate those feelings. (This aligns well with “focus on the feeling” from the previous chapter.) … anticipate positive outcomes from their actions. They’re optimistic and clearly believe that their actions will be rewarded… . imagine possible stressful situations and how their best self might gracefully handle them. As much as they anticipate positive outcomes, they’re realistic about hitting snags, and they prepare themselves for difficulties… . seek to insert appreciation, surprise, wonder, and challenge into their day… . steer social interactions toward positive emotions and experiences. They are what one respondent called “conscious goodness spreaders.” … reflect regularly on all that they’re grateful for. (Location 1520) “Brendon, what might stress you out today, buddy, and how would your best self handle it if it came up?” Or “Brendon, when X happens, think about Y, and then do Z.” (Location 1552) standing in the shower, thinking of stressful situations every morning and talking to myself. But thinking through obstacles and talking to yourself in the second person can be much more powerful (Location 1556) The first trigger was what I call a “notification trigger.” I put the phrase BRING THE JOY into my phone as an alarm label. I set the alarm for three different times throughout the day, and I set the text for the label of the alarm to read BRING THE JOY! (Location 1576) The second trigger I set was what I call a “door frame trigger.” Every time I walk through a doorway, I say to myself, “I will find the good in this room. I’m entering this space a happy man ready to serve.” (Location 1582) The third trigger I set up was a “waiting trigger.” Whenever I’m waiting in line to buy something, I ask myself, “What level of presence and vibration do I feel right now, on a scale of 1 through 10?” By asking myself this question, I’m checking in on my emotional state, scoring it, and choosing whether it’s sufficient to how I want to feel and how I want to live my life. (Location 1585) The fourth trigger I set up was a “touch trigger.” Whenever I’m introduced to someone, they get a hug. Not because I’m a natural hugger—I’m not. I started this trigger because I read so much research about how touch is vital to well-being and happiness.22 (Location 1590) The fifth trigger I created was the “gift trigger.” Whenever something positive happens around me, I say, “What a gift!” I did this because so many high performers talked about how they felt a sense of reverence or sacredness in everyday life. (Location 1593) The sixth trigger was a “stress trigger.” My brain injury was causing me to always feel hurried, almost panicked. And then one day I decided that hurry and stress were no longer going to be part of my life. (Location 1601) I’d stand up, take ten deep breaths, and ask, “What’s the positive thing I can focus on and the next right action of integrity I should take now?” (Location 1604) I wrote down three things that made me feel good during the day. Then I took just a few moments to close my eyes and actually relive them. (Location 1607) I look back at my previous week’s gratitude entries and relive them again with just as much emotional connection. If I can close my eyes for five minutes and for that full duration, easily think of a growing list of things to be grateful for, then I know I was paying attention during the week. (Location 1611) Gratitude is the golden frame through which we see the meaning of life. (Location 1616) whenever his wife called his name, he would say to himself, “You are on this planet for this woman. Bring joy to her life.” (Location 1624) Performance Prompts Three questions I could ask myself every morning to prompt positive emotions for the rest of the day could be … Some new triggers I could set for myself include (see my examples of notification, doorway, and waiting-in-line triggers) … A new routine I could begin for replaying the positive moments of my days is … (Location 1631) “I’ll focus on my health and happiness again in ninety days. I’m just busy now.” The person saying this tends to be on a perpetual fatigue cycle—they say ninety days, but it’s really been, and will continue to be, years before they rest and feel human again. (Location 1669) In this excuse, “X” generally refers to working out, healthy eating/shopping, or meditation. But I learned that none of these things necessarily cost you time. In fact, they often buy back time by making you more energized and productive. (Location 1681) Exercise also decreases stress, which is a killer of mental performance. (Location 1697) So if the demands of your job or life require you to learn fast, deal with stress, be alert, pay attention, remember important things, and keep a positive mood, then you must take exercise more seriously. (Location 1701) If you care about your contributions to the world, you’ll care for yourself. (Location 1703) Beware of using meals as a way to push down negative emotions. If you feel bad, move. Go for a walk and change your emotional state before eating. (Location 1731) For other sleep tricks, read The Sleep Revolution by my good friend Arianna Huffington. (Location 1778) That’s just four sessions of intense exercise per week. On the other three days, you can walk briskly outside for twenty to forty-five minutes. (Location 1785) Finally, stretch way, way more. Just five to ten minutes of light stretching or yoga every morning and night will help you gain greater flexibility and mobility. (Location 1789) Performance Prompts I want to get as physically healthy as I can at this stage of my life because … If I was going to get in the best shape of my life, the first three things I would stop doing would be … The things I would start doing include … A weekly schedule that I could use to get healthier and actually stick to would be . . (Location 1791) You don’t have to strive to live an extraordinary life. And yet, some people do feel they have to. Why? The answer is a phrase that explains one of the most powerful drivers of human motivation and excellence: performance necessity. (Location 1846) Necessity is the emotional drive that makes great performance a must instead of a preference. (Location 1852) often ask high performers why they work so hard and how they stay so focused, so committed. Their responses often sound something like this: It’s just who I am. I can’t imagine doing anything else. This is what I was made to do. There’s also a sense of obligation and urgency: People need me now; they’re counting on me. I can’t miss this opportunity. If I don’t do this now, I’ll regret it forever. (Location 1859) you cannot become extraordinary without a sense that it’s absolutely necessary to excel. (Location 1872) These are the factors in performance necessity (which I call the Four Forces of Necessity): identity, obsession, duty, and urgency. The first two are mostly internal. The second two are mostly external. (Location 1877) But high performers care even more about excellence and thus put more effort into their activities than others do. How can we know that they care more? Because they report self-monitoring their behavior and performance goals more often. (Location 1905) You need some sort of practice for checking in on whether you are living up to your own personal standards. (Location 1919) they feel that they’re on the right path because they frequently check in with themselves. (Location 1928) So how can high performers look themselves in the mirror so often and not get discouraged? Perhaps it’s simply because self-evaluation is something they’re used to. They’re comfortable with it. They don’t fear observing themselves, flaws and all, (Location 1932) Still, high performers can be tough on themselves when they fail, because excellence is so important to their identity. (Location 1935) The goal for all underperformers must be to set new standards, self-monitor more frequently, and learn to become comfortable with taking a hard, unflinching look at their own performance. (Location 1951) - 💭 bruh idc They too highly value the performance edge that comes from necessity to let themselves off the hook. The payoff is worth the potential discomfort. Don’t fear this concept of necessity. (Location 1958) Sure, you might fail. Sure, it might be uncomfortable. But what’s the alternative? Holding back? Landing at the tail end of life and feeling that you didn’t give it your all? Trudging through life safely inside your little bubble bored or complacent? Don’t let that be your fate. (Location 1967) As you would expect, high performers are deeply curious people. In fact, their curiosity for understanding and mastering their primary field of interest is one of the hallmarks of their success. (Location 1977) “grit,” they’re talking about combined passion and perseverance. (Location 1983) certain degree of insanity and recklessness is necessary to advance or innovate anything, (Location 1994) When you are passionate about what you do, people understand. When you are obsessed, they think you’re mad. That’s the difference. It is this almost reckless obsession for mastering something that makes us feel the imperative to perform at higher levels. (Location 2002) It changes from a desire to feel a particular state of emotion—passion—to a quest to be a particular kind of person. It becomes part of you, something you value more deeply than other things. It becomes necessary for you. (Location 2012) keep experimenting in life until they find something that sparks unusual interest. Then, if it aligns with your personal values and identity, jump in. Get curious. Let yourself geek out on something and go deep. Let that part of you that wants to obsess about and master something come alive again. (Location 2039) The values that are important for me to live include … A recent situation where I didn’t live my values was … The reason I didn’t feel it necessary in that moment to live my values is … A recent situation in which I was proud of living my values or being a particular kind of person was … The reason I felt it necessary to be that kind of person then was … The topics I find myself obsessed with include … A topic I haven’t been obsessing about enough in a healthy way is (Location 2045) An external force of necessity is any outside factor that drives you to perform well. Some psychologists might simply describe this as “pressure.” (Location 2053) More often, high performers view “positive” external forces as causal reasons for increased performance. (Location 2068) High performers often feel the necessity to perform well out of a sense of duty to someone or something beyond themselves. (Location 2074) people tend to maintain motivation, give more effort, and achieve higher performance when they are held accountable for their outcomes, are evaluated more often, and have the opportunity to demonstrate their expertise or gain respect from those they serve. (Location 2085) For example, when we are evaluated more and held accountable to team performance, we work harder and better. (Location 2088) Because high performers understand the need to meet their obligations, they rarely complain about the tasks and duties they must perform to succeed. (Location 2103) I’ve learned to adjust my attitude to things I have to do, to complain less and realize that most of what I “have” to do is in truth a blessing. (Location 2105) When you feel the drive to serve others, you sustain solid performance longer. This is one reason, for example, why members of the military are often so extraordinary. (Location 2108) when I talk with high performers, they regularly say they “don’t have a choice” but to be good at what they do. (Location 2112) What is a “real” deadline? It’s a date that matters because, if it isn’t met, real negative consequences happen, and if it is real, benefits come to fruition. (Location 2125) Habits such as clarifying real deadlines are what make me, and every high performer I know, so effective. (Location 2139) High performers are driven to get things done because they recognize that their timeliness affects other people. The reality is that when you choose to care for others and make a big difference in the world, the number of deadlines coming at you will increase. (Location 2154) Set a “desk trigger” for yourself. From now on, whenever you sit down at your desk—that’s the trigger action—ask: “Who needs me on my A game the most right now?” (Location 2184) flow happens when several of these elements are in play: You have goals that are clear and challenging yet attainable. Strong concentration and focused attention are required. The thing you’re doing is intrinsically rewarding. You lose self-consciousness a bit and feel serene. Time stops—you feel so focused on the present that you lose track of time. You’re getting immediate feedback on your performance. There’s a balance between your skill level and the challenge presented. You know that what you’re doing is doable even if difficult. You have a sense of personal control over the situation and the outcome. You stop thinking about your physical needs. You have the ability to focus completely on the activity at hand. (Location 2229) Performance Prompts The people who need me on my A game at this point in my life are … The reasons each of those people need me include … The reasons I want to become a high performer for each of these people are … I know that I’m on my A game when I think, feel, or behave … The things that throw me off my A game are … I can deal more effectively with those things by … A few reminders I could set up for myself to be my best for the people in my life could include . (Location 2243) If there is one necessity practice that seems to divide high performers and underperformers the most, it’s this one. Underperformers are often unclear about their why, and they don’t use affirmations or speak about the whys they do have. (Location 2255) All this leads me to suggest that you affirm your whys, to yourself and to others, more consistently. (Location 2274) When I say affirm your why to yourself, I mean literally talk to yourself (Location 2275) right before I started filming, I would say something like this to myself: “Brendon, you’re doing this because it’s important. Remember your students. You can inspire them and help them reach their goals. That’s your purpose. Do good for them. You’re going to love this, and you’re going to help a lot of people.” (Location 2280) I was speaking confidently about why I wanted to do well on camera that day. (Location 2283) Performance Prompts Three things I would like to become extraordinary at doing are … My whys for becoming excellent in each of these areas are … The people I will tell about these goals and the whys behind them include … The things I can say out loud to myself to affirm these whys—my affirmations—are … Some ways I can remind myself about these important goals and whys are … (Location 2303) It’s the people you talk with or see the most. I tell my clients that their job is to start spending more time with the best in their peer group, (Location 2314) I tell my clients that their job is to start spending more time with the best in their peer group, and less with the more negative members. (Location 2315) If you truly want to increase your performance in any area of your life, get around some new people who expect and value high performance. (Location 2316) Social support just makes personal development and overall life success easier, faster, and more enjoyable. (Location 2363) They seek networking activities or group affiliations with more successful people. At work, they communicate more with people who are more experienced and often “above” them on the organizational chart. In their personal lives, they volunteer more, spend less time in negative or conflict-ridden relationships, and ask for help from their more successful peers more than others do. (Location 2367) spend more time (a) hanging with your positive and successful peers and (b) building a new positive peer group. (Location 2387) How do you do that? Here’s my go-to list for helping someone get around a more successful peer group: 1. Add one more awesome friend. To make a difference in your life, you don’t need dozens of new friends. You need one more positive person who brings out the best in you. So find your most positive and successful friend and ask him to bring one or two of his friends to your next night out. (Location 2394) 2. Volunteer. This is always my first move in working with people who feel surrounded by negative people. Volunteers are spirited, positive people. They are givers. You want to be around that spirit of service for your own personal and spiritual development anyway. (Location 2399) 8.1 percent of those with less than a high school diploma.39 Often, the people who staff nonprofit organizations, especially at the board and committee levels, are the richest people in a community. (Location 2405) But volunteering isn’t just about getting around richer or more educated people. It’s about serving others and developing the kind of empathy and spirit of service required to deal with all your relationships in life. (Location 2407) 4. Seek mentorship. I tell high performers to have one or two lifelong mentors: older, wiser, highly respected, successful people. I want you to call them once per month. I also want you to have one new “domain mentor” every three years. This means someone who has precisely the expertise you need to succeed in your field. (Location 2417) To find mentors, start again with your friends and family. Ask, “Who do I know who has great wisdom and influence, who I might be able to learn from?” You might find a mentor at your workplace or by doing the actions above—say, volunteering or playing sports. (Location 2421) 5. Earn it. You want to get around more successful people? Then earn your way into that party by becoming exceptional at what you do. (Location 2424) Performance Prompts The most positive people in my life who I should hang out with more include … To add to the number of high performers in my network, I should … Some new routines or get-togethers I could create to bring together the positive and supportive people in my life could include . (Location 2432) You must consistently think it through: “Have I associated the important activities of my day with my identity and my sense of obligation? Why is chasing this dream so important to me? Why must I do this? When must I do it? How can I get around more amazing people who up my game and help me serve at the next level?” These questions, frequently revisited, can be the prompts for an entirely new level of commitment and drive. (Location 2443) fundamentals of becoming more productive are setting goals and maintaining energy and focus. (Location 2524) This is just one reason why you should never check your e-mail first thing in the morning. (Location 2547) Distraction is another downer. One study found that distraction lowers productivity by 20 percent.11 It’s even worse if we’re working on challenging mental tasks—distractions then can slow our thinking by almost half. (Location 2549) if you believe a better work-life balance is impossible, you have already lost the fight. (Location 2574) The great mistake most people make is to think of balance in terms of evenly distributed hours. (Location 2581) When most people feel that they’re “out” of balance, it’s because one area of their life became more intense, important, and time-consuming than other areas. (Location 2593) transition better, release tension, (Location 2621) Your brain also needs more downtime than you probably think—to process information, recover, and deal with life so that you can be more productive. (Location 2628) questioned—perhaps we don’t run out of self-control and focus at all but, rather, just lose motivation24—one thing is certain: Working straight through the day with no breaks makes people unhappy and less productive. (Location 2639) If you want to feel more energized, creative, and effective at work—and still leave work with enough oomph for the “life” part—the ideal breakpoint is to stop your work and give your mind and body a break every forty-five to sixty minutes. (Location 2649) I recommend you get up from your chair at fifty minutes in, then take a fast stroll around the office, grab some water, come back to your chair, and do a sixty-second transition meditation. (Location 2654) transition meditation means you simply close your eyes, focus on deep breathing, repeat to yourself a mantra such as “release,” and then set an intention for the next activity. (Location 2655) Studies of the world’s top performers in dozens of fields found that they don’t necessarily practice or work longer than others. It’s that they are more effective in those practice sessions or simply have more sessions (not longer ones). (Location 2662) 45–60-minute break becomes a way of life. (Location 2667) If all you did was stand up every hour, close your eyes, and bounce in place while taking ten deep, long breaths, you’d feel a total renewal of focus and productivity in your life. (Location 2672) - Tags: [[energize]] do a short two-minute physical routine of calisthenics, Qigong, and yoga paired with deep breathing. (Location 2674) If you want to become extraordinary, you need to figure out the productive outputs that matter in your field or industry. (Location 2684) High performers have mastered the art of prolific quality output (PQO). They produce more high-quality output than their peers over the long term, and that is how they become more effective, better known, more remembered. (Location 2691) People spend eons of time on worthless activities—say, creating folders and organizing their e-mail—even though these have nothing to do with real productivity. (Location 2695) Figuring out what you are supposed to produce, and learning the priorities in the creation, quality, and frequency of that output, is one of the greatest breakthroughs you can have in your career. (Location 2706) Not one thing I’ve done today is going to advance my career or be remembered—by me or anyone else—ten years from now. I still remember that conversation in my head: “If you’re honest with yourself, you want to create things that matter. You want to know that a good day’s work produces something worthwhile, something that will be part of your important contributions to others and the world, something that shows you care about your craft.” (Location 2728) I knew that if I was going to be an online course trainer—a relatively new career back in 2006—then my PQO would be curriculum, training videos, and full online courses. (Location 2741) The results in my career are not because I’m particularly special or talented. They happen because I honed the focus for the PQOs that mattered in my career, and gave those outputs my obsessive attention and dedication continuously, over the long term. (Location 2748) Whenever I have to help a client increase high performance, quickly discovering what output they should be creating is one of my go-to strategies. (Location 2751) As quickly as possible, I want them spending 60 percent or more of their workweek oriented to PQO. (Location 2753) I spend 60 percent of my workweek on writing, creating curriculum for online training, and filming videos. The other 40 percent goes to strategy, team management, industry relationships, and customer engagement, which includes social media and communicating with students. (Location 2756) The 40 percent is really just the things that support or facilitate the 60 percent—the prolific quality output. (Location 2757) Performance Prompts The outputs that matter most to my career are … Some things I could stop doing so I can focus more on PQO are … The percentage of my weekly time I will allocate to PQO is . (Location 2782) She’d tell you that her cupcake business is still a priority, but dig into her calendar and you can see that “priority” no longer equates to work. Look closer and you’ll see that most of her efforts are unaligned. She’s busy, but she’s not progressing with purpose. (Location 2797) But when they start making a lot of things happen with no unifying trajectory, they begin losing their power. (Location 2807) Then they lose their passion. Then they’re achieving a lot of little things but no big, meaningful things. (Location 2808) But for complex tasks and goals, planning is vital because there are usually a variety of strategies that can help achieve a goal, and some are more effective or desirable than others.34 The bigger the goal, the more to manage and the more interaction points with other people. To become a high performer requires thinking more before acting. (Location 2811) Think of the most ambitious dream you’d like to take on, identify what you really want, then ask yourself: “If there were only five major moves to make that goal happen, what would they be?” (Location 2822) Think of each major move as a big bucket of activities, a project. These big five projects that move you toward achieving your dream can then be broken down into deliverables, deadlines, and activities. Once you’re clear on these things, put them into your calendar, scheduling the bulk of your time in protected blocks during which you do nothing but make progress toward the activity that the specific block is dedicated to. (Location 2824) If I can’t discern from your weekly and monthly calendar what major moves you are working toward, then you’re not optimizing your time and you’re at risk of getting sucked into a life of reaction and distraction. (Location 2827) High performers plan almost everything more than underperformers do: from workouts to learning, from meetings to vacation time. (Location 2830) Know the big five moves that will take you to your goal, break those moves down into tasks and deadlines, then put them in a calendar. (Location 2833) Find the successful people you want to emulate in some way, and discover their five moves. (Location 2847) I had a big, long list of things I was supposed to do. Here are a few: Go to writers’ workshops and get feedback on my writing to “find my voice.” Interview a bunch of people in my audience demographic to see what they want from my writing. Brainstorm media “hooks” and “angles” so I can incorporate them into the book for later use in getting major media coverage. Get famous people to endorse the book. (Location 2858) discovered that to get the result of number one bestseller, all that really mattered were these five basic moves: Finish writing a good book. Until that’s done, nothing else matters. If you want a major publishing deal, get an agent. Or just self-publish. Start blogging and posting to social media, and use these to get an e-mail list of subscribers. E-mail is everything. Create a book promotion web page and offer some awesome bonuses to get people to buy the book. Bonuses are crucial. (Location 2865) Performance Prompts The biggest goal or dream I have that I need to plan out right now is … The five moves that would help me progress swiftly toward accomplishing that dream are … The timeline for each of my five moves will be … Five people who have achieved that dream who I could study, seek out, interview, or model are … The less important activities or bad habits I’m going to cut out of my schedule so that I can focus more time on the five moves in the next three months include . (Location 2924) My goal here is for you to determine the five major skills you need to develop over the next three years to grow into the person you hope to become. (Location 2947) Everything is trainable. No matter what skill you want to learn, with enough training and practice and intention, you can become more proficient at it. (Location 2948) I began to realize that the better they could speak, the better they could impart their message and inspire others to change. And so I decided that mastering the skill of public speaking was a must in my life. (Location 2967) These are the steps to progressive mastery: Determine a skill that you want to master. Set specific stretch goals on your path to developing that skill. Attach high levels of emotion and meaning to your journey and your results. Identify the factors critical to success, and develop your strengths in those areas (and fix your weaknesses with equal fervor). Develop visualizations that clearly imagine what success and failure look like. Schedule challenging practices developed by experts or through careful thought. Measure your progress and get outside feedback. Socialize your learning and efforts by practicing or competing with others. Continue setting higher-level goals so that you keep improving. Teach others what you are learning. (Location 2981) Instead of just jumping into the pool once in a while and trying to get better, what if you tried this: You determined that you specifically wanted to develop your skill as a freestyle swimmer. (You decided you weren’t going to mess with the backstroke, breaststroke, or butterfly.) You set goals for how fast and efficiently you entered the water, swam a lap, executed a turn, finished your last ten meters. Before every practice, you reminded yourself why it was so important for you to get better at this, and you talked about your goals with someone who cared about your performance. Maybe your why is to get fitter, win a swim meet, or lap your best friend a few times. You determined that a critical factor to success was your ability to work your hips efficiently in the water and that your major weakness was a lack of finishing stamina. Every night, you visualized the perfect race, imagining in detail how you would move through the water, kick off the turn, power through fatigue, go for it in the last few strokes. You worked with an expert swim coach who could give you regular feedback and who helped you design harder and harder practices to reach higher and higher goals. You measured your progress in a journal every time you swam, and reviewed the journal, looking for insights on your performance. You consistently swam with people you really enjoyed swimming with, and you entered competitions so that you could face better swimmers than you. After every swim session, you set higher goals for the next session. Once per week, you formally mentored another swimmer on your team or taught a swim class at the local community center. (Location 2998) With the full ten-step progressive mastery habit in place, everything changed for me. In just a few years, I went from a kid terrified of public speaking to a confident orator addressing audiences without notes. (Location 3033) I’m still a long way from where I want to be. I have much (Location 3038) Performance Prompts Three skills I could develop that would help me feel more confident or capable are … The simple steps I could take to improve those skills include … The coaches or mentors I could seek out concerning those skills are … (Location 3049) Let’s start with what doesn’t. A sense of giving doesn’t appear to affect influence scores. (Location 3151) Creativity is also not strongly correlated with influence. (Location 3159) What does matter, just as in other HPI categories, is your perception of yourself. If you believe that your peers view you as a successful, high performing person, naturally you believe yourself to be more influential. (Location 3162) One reason people struggle to gain influence in their personal and professional lives is that they simply don’t ask for what they want. (Location 3187) Part of gaining influence is simply learning to make a lot of requests and getting better at making those requests (which comes only with practice). (Location 3195) Asking isn’t just about making requests to get what you want. If you seek greater influence with other people, learn to ask them a tremendous number of questions that elicit what they think, feel, want, need, and aspire (Location 3212) If you want more influence, remember: Ask and ask often. (Location 3220) High performers have a giving mindset. They enter almost every situation looking for ways to help others. (Location 3225) All this sounds great, but often people don’t view situations with a helpfulness bias. It’s not because they’re bad people; it’s likely because they fear they’re already teetering on burnout. You give less when you’re tired or stressed. (Location 3233) If you’re more energized and on the path toward accomplishing your goals, you’re probably more willing to help others. (Location 3236) The ultimate measure of whether you really support someone is to trust them, give them the autonomy to make important decisions, and praise them in public when they do well. That’s how people know they are truly cheered on. (Location 3250) Perhaps all this sounds too basic, but every leader I’ve ever worked with has acknowledged they needed to do a better job of expressing appreciation and giving people more trust, autonomy, and praise. (Location 3252) What, specifically, made each person so influential to you? What was the greatest lesson each person taught you about life? What values or traits did they inspire you to embody in your own life? (Location 3260) Typically, those who positively influence people the most have something in common. (Location 3265) “Think of it this way …” “What do you think about …” “What would happen if we tried …” “How should we approach …” “What should we be paying attention to …” (Location 3290) My goal is simply to have you start doing this more deliberately. When it becomes a habit, you’ll notice how good at it you’ve become and how much your influence with others has grown. (Location 3295) Take a few moments now and think of someone you want to influence. How can you shape their thinking? Begin by identifying how you want to influence them. What do you want them to do? Then know your responses to these questions before you meet with that person: How do you want them to think about themselves? How do you want them to think about other people? How do you want them to think about the world at large? (Location 3309) my dad and mom taught me how to think of myself. They taught us how to think of other people, too, by the way they treated others: with compassion. (Location 3334) it was as if Dad left the stress at work, and at home he would just chill on the couch and read his paper, go golfing, take me to play racquetball, or take care of the yard. He became more and more of a peaceful warrior. (Location 3355) Mom and Dad didn’t teach me that other people were mean or bad. Instead, they trusted in the goodness of others in general, and showed me that with patience, grace, and humor, people could open up, change, and be friendly. (Location 3383) Performance Prompts Someone in my life I would like to influence more is … The way I would like to influence them is … If I could tell them how they should think of themselves, I would say … If I could tell them how they should think of other people, I would say … If I could tell them how they should think of the world in general, I would say … (Location 3391) If you could follow them around as they lead their lives, you would see that they consistently challenge others to raise the bar. They push people to get better, and they don’t apologize for it. (Location 3401) This is perhaps the most difficult practice in this entire book to implement. People are afraid to challenge others. It sounds confrontational. (Location 3402) “Setting standards” is really just another way to say “issuing positive challenges.” (Location 3412) facing challenge is a huge part of what high performers do well and want to do well. (Location 3420) Influencers challenge others in three realms. First, they challenge their character. This means they give people feedback, direction, and high expectations for living up to universal values such as honesty, integrity, responsibility, self-control, patience, hard work, and persistence. (Location 3422) Asking someone, “How would your best self approach this situation?” challenges that person to be more intentional in how they behave. (Location 3429) The second area where you can challenge others concerns their connections with others—their relationships. You set expectations, ask questions, give examples, or directly ask them to improve how they treat and add value to other people. (Location 3436) The third area where you can challenge others is in their contributions. You push them to add more value or to be more generous. (Location 3453) high performers are future oriented when challenging someone to contribute something meaningful. They don’t just challenge people to make better widgets today; they challenge them to reinvent the product suite, to brainstorm entirely new business models, (Location 3458) high performers challenge individuals specifically. (Location 3462) They’ll meet you where you are, speak your language, ask you to help move the entire team toward a better future, in your own unique way. (Location 3464) She created an expectation of excellence, not so we could win awards but so we could look in the mirror and at each other and feel a sense of pride and camaraderie for giving our best effort. She wanted us to become leaders who led with integrity. (Location 3505) Performance Prompts Think about a person in your life you are trying to influence positively, and complete the following sentences: Character The person I am trying to influence has the following character strengths … She could become a stronger person if she … She is probably too hard on herself in this area … If I could tell her how to improve who she is, I would tell her … If I could inspire her to want to be a better person, I’d probably say something like … Connection The way I want this person to interact differently with others is to … Often, this person doesn’t connect as well with others as I would like, because he … What would inspire this person to treat other people better is to … Contribution The greatest contribution this person is making is … The areas where this person isn’t contributing well enough are … What I really want this person to contribute more of is … PRACTICE (Location 3527) High performers give a lot of mindshare to thinking about being a role model. Seventy-one percent say they think about it daily. (Location 3545) they think about it much more often and specifically in relation to how they are seeking to influence others. Meaning they aren’t just seeking to be a good person in general, as you would typically think of a role model—someone who is kind, honest, hardworking, giving, loving. They go a step further and think about how to act so that others might follow them or help them achieve a specific outcome. (Location 3547) There’s just something magical that happens in our life when we let all the drama go and decide to ask how we can be role models again. (Location 3579) Performance Prompts If I were going to approach my relationships and career as an even better role model, the first things I would start doing are … Someone who really needs me to lead and be a strong role model right now is … Some ideas on how I can be a role model for that person are … If, ten years from now, the five closest people to me in my life were to describe me as a role model, I would hope they said things like … (Location 3599) The people around high performers don’t feel manipulated. They feel trusted and respected and inspired. (Location 3613) But ultimately, manipulators burn all bridges and find themselves disconnected, unsupported, alone. (Location 3615) Posting a video is an act of self-expression, sure. It’s also just an effort to be noticed or share a message, and just sharing a message isn’t courage when everyone is doing it, right? A billion people posted something today. Does that make them all courageous? Sharing ideas during a brainstorm meeting at work is your job, so if you don’t get a hug for your courage, be satisfied with “great idea.” (Location 3658) Sometimes, a person’s first step is courageous no matter what you think of it. (Location 3692) The people who are more likely to self-report high levels of courage are those who … love mastering challenges, perceive themselves as assertive, perceive themselves as confident, perceive themselves as high performers, perceive themselves as more successful than their peers, and are happy with their life overall. (Location 3718) Courage is not fearlessness; it is taking action and persisting despite that fear. (Location 3737) physical courage, when you put yourself in harm’s way to meet a noble goal—for (Location 3753) Moral courage is speaking up for others or enduring hardship for what you believe is right, (Location 3755) Psychological courage is the act of facing or overcoming your own anxieties, insecurities, and mental fears to (a) assert your authentic self instead of conforming—showing the world who you really are even if someone might not like it—or (b) experience personal growth even if it’s only a private victory. (Location 3759) The important thing is that you define what being more courageous means to you, and start living that way. (Location 3764) You are capable of remarkable things that you could never foretell and will never discover without taking action. (Location 3786) People knew what they were afraid of, and so they prepared themselves. (Location 3798) If your future best self—a version of you ten years older, who is even stronger, more capable, and more successful than you imagined yourself to be—showed up on your doorstep today and looked at your current circumstances, what courageous action would that future self advise you to take right away to change your life? How would your future self tell you to live? (Location 3803) Today, making any recommendations that would require real effort, trial, difficulty, or patient persistence is out of fashion. Ease and convenience reign. People often quit marriages and school and jobs and friendships at the first sign of difficulty. If you quit at the first sign of difficulty in your everyday life, what are the odds you’ll persist in the face of real fear or threat? (Location 3825) We’re surrounded by memes and media and influencers telling us we’re not supposed to struggle, that life should just be an easy flow or we’re on the wrong track. Imagine what that’s doing to our abilities. Imagine what that is doing to our odds of ever taking courageous action. (Location 3839) If we keep telling people to do what’s easy, why would they ever think to do what’s hard? (Location 3841) When we learn to see struggle as a necessary, important, and positive part of our journey, then we can find true peace and personal power. (Location 3858) The struggle I’m now facing is necessary, and it’s summoning me to show up, be strong, and use it to forge a better future for myself and my loved ones. (Location 3891) suppose that’s the ultimate message in times of difficulty: to have faith in yourself and the future. (Location 3910) the only time you should try to measure up to someone else’s idea of who you are or what you’re capable of is when that person is a role model cheering you on. (Location 3928) But for anyone who doubts or diminishes you, forget about it. Don’t bother trying to please them. Live a life that is yours. Don’t seek the approval of the doubters. You’ll find no lasting joy in seeking acknowledgment from others. (Location 3930) Do not dare play small, my friend. Do not feel guilt because you have high aims. Those dreams were seeded in your soul for a reason, and it is your duty to honor them. Do not hold back in life just to comfort or placate those around you. Holding back is not humility; it’s lying. If the people in your life do not know your true thoughts, feelings, needs, and dreams, do not blame them. It is your lack of voice or vulnerability or power, not their lack of understanding or ambition, that is building the barricade to your potential. Share more, and you’ll have real relationships that can support you, energize you, lift you. Even if they don’t support you or believe in you, at least you lived your life. At least you put it all on the table. At least you honored the hopes of your heart and the calling of your soul. In your full expression lies your freedom. My friend, your next level of performance begins at your next level of truth. (Location 3950) No one wants to be in connection with a fake person. (Location 3970) How would you feel if you were in a relationship with someone for five years, and out of nowhere they said to you, “You don’t know the real me. I haven’t been honest with you. All this time, I’ve been holding back my real dreams from you. Because I was scared of you or I thought you were too small-minded to handle it.” (Location 3971) It will cheat the people around you from ever discovering your true beauty and abilities. Worse, it will prevent the right people from coming into your life. (Location 3993) The most important thing in connecting authentically with others is to share your true desires with them. (Location 4012) Every day, share something with someone about what you really think and want in life. You could say, “You know, honey, today I was thinking about starting X because I’d love to Y.” For example: I was thinking about researching how to write a book, because I think I have a story worth telling. I was thinking about starting to hit the gym every morning, because I’d love to feel more vital and alive. I was thinking about starting to look for another job, because I’d love to feel more passionate and appreciated. I was thinking about starting to cold-call some new coaches, because I’m ready to compete at a higher level. (Location 4019) Performance Prompts Something I really want to do that I haven’t shared with enough people is … If I were going to be more “me” in my everyday life, I would start to … When I put myself out there and someone makes fun of me, I’m just going to … A major dream I’m going to start telling people about and asking for some help with is … (Location 4027) We will do more for others than for ourselves. And in doing something for others, we find our reason for courage, and our cause for focus and excellence. (Location 4075) Each of the highest performing people I interviewed told me about someone who inspired them to excel. They all had a reason, and that reason was often a person, (Location 4076) Performance Prompts A courageous action I will take this week because someone I love needs me to take it is … Another courageous action I will take this week, because a cause I believe in needs me to take it, is … Another courageous action I will take this week, because my dream requires it of me, is … (Location 4098) The kinds of courageous acts that you are proud of at the end of your life are those in which you faced uncertainty and real risk, with real stakes, when doing something for a cause or person beyond yourself, without any assurance of safety, reward, or success. (Location 4109) What in my personal life have I avoided doing, which might involve hardship but just might improve my family’s lives forever? What could I do at work that would require stepping out on a limb but would also truly change things for the better and help people? What decision could I make that would demonstrate a moral commitment to something higher than myself? How could I bring myself to face a situation that usually makes me nervous or anxious? What change could I make that scares me but will help someone I love? What good thing could I walk away from to advance my life? What have I wanted to say to those close to me, and when and how will I courageously declare that truth? Who needs me, and who will I fight for the rest of this year? (Location 4117) - 💭 Prompts It’s about the calamitous fall from grace that high performers can experience when they get so good that they forget what made them successful. This chapter is, in effect, the (Location 4171) The real traps are internal—negative patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that slowly kill our humanity, zest, and well-being. The traps are superiority, dissatisfaction, and neglect. (Location 4204) Here’s how to know when superiority has infiltrated your mind: You think you are better than another person or group. You’re so amazingly good at what you do that you don’t feel you need feedback, guidance, diverse viewpoints, or support. You feel that you automatically deserve people’s admiration or compliance because of who you are, what position you hold, or what you’ve accomplished. You feel that people don’t understand you, so all those fights and failures are surely not your fault—it’s that “they” just can’t appreciate your situation or the demands, obligations, or opportunities you have to sort through daily. When any of these realities is a constant in your life, you’ve begun the decline, even if you don’t know it yet. What these thoughts have in common is a sense of separateness. You just feel so much more capable or accomplished than others that, in your mind, there is you at the top and then everyone else. It’s this separateness that fueled Don’s belief that “it’s lonely at the top.” Yet Don isn’t alone. A lot of people believe this bizarre idea. People say it because they think others can’t possibly comprehend their lives. The problem is, this thought is inaccurate and obscenely destructive. If you ever feel as if the world can’t understand you, then—and I won’t bother looking for a gentler way to say this—it’s time to pop the bubble you’ve been hanging out in. We have thousands of years of recorded human history, and over seven billion people walk this earth today. The odds are pretty good that someone, somewhere, has gone through what you’re going through, and can easily understand your situation and advise you through it. All isolation is ultimately self-imposed. This is a difficult truth to relay to people who feel that no one can understand them or their situation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to kindly tell someone to abandon their sense of separateness in truly difficult situations: You are not the first entrepreneur to face financial ruin. You are not the first parent to lose a child. You are not the first manager to be cheated by an employee. You are not the first lover to be cheated on. You are not the first striver to lose your dream. You are not the first CEO to run a large global company. You are not the first healthy person to find yourself suddenly battling cancer. You are not the first person to deal with depression or addiction in yourself or a loved one. When we’re facing any of these difficulties, it’s easy to feel that we’re the only one going through the struggle. But that feeling is pure illusion. There is no human emotion or situation you are contending with that someone, somewhere, cannot understand if you are vulnerable and real and open enough to share your thoughts, feelings, and challenges. Yes, you can keep telling yourself that your spouse can’t possibly understand, and if you never try, that will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Their lack of understanding only grows in your silence. Yes, you can tell yourself that no one on your team “gets it,” but that’s just your ego blinding you to the value that others can ultimately add. Discounting others doesn’t make you a greater person; you are just choosing to be more separate, ultimately making yourself more vulnerable to failure. I know that when you’re trapped in hardship, these statements can feel judgmental or oblivious of your reality. But (Location 4235) Yes, you can tell yourself that no one on your team “gets it,” but that’s just your ego blinding you to the value that others can ultimately add. Discounting others doesn’t make you a greater person; you are just choosing to be more separate, ultimately making yourself more vulnerable to failure. (Location 4262) I’ve rarely met a high performer who thinks they’re “at the top.” Most feel like they’re just getting started. (Location 4279) Your frustration with people is coming from a forgetfulness that almost everyone could succeed at a higher level if they had more exposure, training, practice, and access to excellence-driven mentors, coaches, or role models. Remember, everything is trainable. (Location 4295) You were once a mess, too, or did you forget already? But you improved. Give others that same opportunity. (Location 4298) You begin developing a more open and test-oriented mindset by flipping the earlier examples: To avoid thinking you’re superior to others, deliberately seek others’ ideas for improving anything you do: If you could improve on my idea, how would you go about it? Ask this question enough, and you’ll discover so many holes in your thinking, (Location 4325) If you find that your thinking is not being challenged enough or your growth has topped out, hire a coach, trainer, or therapist. Yes, hire someone. Sometimes, your immediate peer group can’t see beyond their knowledge of you. (Location 4330) To avoid thinking you automatically deserve people’s admiration or compliance just because of who you are, where you came from, or what you’ve accomplished, remind yourself that trust is earned through caring for others, not bragging about yourself. (Location 4335) Instead of believing that people don’t understand you and that they are to blame for the fights and failures in your life, take ownership of your actions by reflecting on your role. After a conflict, ask yourself, “Am I distorting this situation in any way to make myself feel like the misunderstood hero? (Location 4339) Keep a practice for reminding yourself of your blessings. Gratitude and humility have been shown to be “mutually reinforcing,” (Location 4343) Performance Prompts A recent situation where I found myself being overly critical or dismissive of others was … The thoughts I had about myself in that situation and the others involved were … Had I reimagined the situation from a more humble and appreciative view, I would probably have realized that … The best way I can remind myself that everyone is dealing with difficulties in life and that we’re all more alike than we are different is … (Location 4353) Satisfaction must accompany striving for optimal performance.7 Those who are never satisfied are never at peace. They can’t tune in to their zone—the (Location 4377) The nothing-is-good-enough, never-settle mentality also compels them to discard too quickly what’s in front of them and move on to the next iteration or thing. And with that, no real appreciation or memory of achievement is forged in their mind, and so they are just busy and empty ghosts on a hunt for some dream day when they might have perfection. (Location 4384) As I shoot my videos, I’m satisfied even though I know I could do better with more time or practice and that no matter what I do, plenty of people won’t like the result. (Location 4415) When you can be in the moment and satisfied with what you’re doing, you can access greater flow and potential. People around you will enjoy and appreciate and recommend you more. (Location 4433) Life is short, so decide to enjoy it. Instead of discontent, bring joy and honor to what you do. (Location 4444) Three months later, the tabloids reported he had checked himself into a depression treatment center. If your aim is to maintain high performance, please, allow yourself to feel the wins again. Don’t just hope to arrive somewhere someday and finally feel satisfied. Strive satisfied. (Location 4472) Performance Prompts The areas of my life I’ve felt consistently dissatisfied with include … Some good things that have also happened in those areas include … Something I can say to myself the next time I feel dissatisfied, to get me to notice the good things and continue moving forward, is … Someone who probably sees me dissatisfied more than I want them to is … If I were going to inspire that person to believe you can enjoy life as you work hard and succeed, I would have to change these behaviors … (Location 4475) when they reflect on a time when they neglected something and it hurt their performance, they place most of the blame on their own shoulders. (Location 4502) To hear high performers describe neglect due to obliviousness is always painful. They have an unmistakable tone: They hate that they took their eye off other things that mattered. (Location 4509) The solution is to keep perspective in life by keeping an eye on the quality or progress of the major life arenas. (Location 4520) One reason high performers become so effective is that they are more disciplined at setting priorities for what to focus on. As (Location 4530) it was an issue of going for too much, too fast, in too many domains. (Location 4535) High performance isn’t about more for the sake of more, just because you can. It’s often about less—zeroing in on just those few things that matter and protecting your time and well-being so you can truly engage those around you, enjoy your craft, and confidently handle your responsibilities. Focus on just a few things and the people and priorities you really care about, and you won’t fall prey to overreaching. (Location 4536) risk losing it all. Yes, you can do amazing things. Yes, you want to take on the (Location 4553) So slow down. Be patient. You have plenty of skill and plenty of time to keep building, adding value, innovating. You can scale up in your primary field of interest deliberately and patiently. Play the long game, and life feels less like a slog and more like play. (Location 4555) So what, exactly, do we mean by “slow down”? First, rather than live a reactive lifestyle, you take ownership of your day. (Location 4560) Slowing down means taking the time to care about your schedule—doing (Location 4562) It also means saying no to the good things that would stretch your day too far. If a good opportunity comes up but it’s going to rob you of a few nights’ sleep, force you to cancel strategic moves you planned long ago, or knock you out of time with your family, then just say no. (Location 4564) That’s why I encourage all high performers who want to keep rising to say no to almost every opportunity in their mind first, then force themselves to justify it before ever giving a yes. (Location 4567) You might find it useful to ask, “What are the five main reasons I’ve succeeded so far in life?” Put those five things on your Sunday review list, too. Ask, “Am I continuing to do the things that have made me successful?” (Location 4582) Performance Prompts An area where I am neglecting someone or something important in my life is … An area where that neglect will cause me regret later on is … An area where I can now return my focus, reallocating my attention to things that matter, is … Some areas in my life where I feel overcommitted right now are … The things I need to learn to say no to more often are … An opportunity I really want to chase right now that I could schedule to revisit in few months is … The main things moving the needle toward my success that I should be focused on right now, despite all the other exciting interests and opportunities I could chase, are … The way I’ll remind myself not to take on too much is . . (Location 4587) But if sustaining success is important to you, I encourage you to revisit this chapter often. It will keep you humble, satisfied, and focused. (Location 4603) It turns out that this kind of confidence correlates significantly and meaningfully with overall high performance, as well as with each of the six high performance habits individually. (Location 4654) high performers simply thought about things that gave them more confidence than others, more often did things that gave them more confidence than others, and avoided things that drain confidence more often than others did. They almost universally reported that their confidence came from purposeful thinking and action. (Location 4685) The idea here is that the more competence you get at any given task, the more confident you’ll become in trying it more often—and the more you’ll stretch yourself. (Location 4698) High performers ponder the lessons from their wins. They give credit to themselves, and they allow those wins to integrate into their psyche and give them greater strength. (Location 4729) At the core of congruence are questions about how we are really living our life, not just imagining it. The drive for congruence forces you to ask yourself, “Am I being honest with who I am?” “Am I trustworthy—true to myself and others?” “Do I practice what I think and preach?” “Do I follow through on what I know of myself?” (Location 4750) They shaped their identity by conscious will and have aligned their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to support that identity. (Location 4767) No clarity, no congruence, no confidence. (Location 4779) Confidence comes from being truthful with yourself and others. (Location 4782) Performance Prompts The person I really want to be in life could be described as … Three things I could do each week to live more congruently with that vision for myself include … Three things I should definitely stop doing in my life so I can live in greater congruence with my ideal image of myself are . (Location 4785)