--- ## Highlights Te work-life balance conversation that has dominated the corporate landscape for almost two decades implies that work and life are separate. In this way, we set work and life against each other, and the thought that follows is that you are either working too much and living too little or vice versa. Te term itself diminishes our ability to make the case that work can be a richly rewarding part of a person’s life and should in many ways be personal. (Page 1) But you do not have two lives, one personal and one professional. You have one life that has personal and professional aspects, and these aspects have an incredible influence on each other (Page 1) work can be a richly rewarding part of a person’s life and should in many ways be personal (Page 1) So, what is it that people need and want? People need and want a satisfying experience of life (Page 1) unconsciously, I was approaching life with a “let’s see what happens” attitude. Tis is a wonderful, childlike attitude, but when we are at our best we mix it with an equal portion of let’s see what we can make happen (Page 7) spend a little time pondering each. It is my hope that they will help you explore what is possible. 1. What do you like about your life as it is today? 2. What don’t you like about your life as it is today? 3. Do you feel trapped by any of the things that you don’t like about your life today (Page 7) 4. If you went to the doctor next week and he told you that you were dying and had one year to live, what would you do for the next year? 5. If you inherited $10 billion, what would you do with the rest of your life, and what would you do with the money? 6. What is holding you back from the life you really want? 7. If you could change three things about your life, what would they be (Page 8) - 💭 Actionable Get in Touch with Your Dissatisfaction (Page 11) It is of disturbing importance to note that the present culture has virtually no interest in pursuing this question. We seem more interested in how we want to live than we are in discovering the best way to live. Likewise, we are much more interested in developing self- expression than we are in developing selves that are worth expressing. Personal preference has triumphed over the pursuit of excellence. (Page 13) Te fundamental difference between pleasure and satisfaction is that pleasure cannot be sustained beyond the activity producing it. When we eat we feel pleasure; when we stop eating the pleasure stops (Page 14) Satisfaction can be sustained beyond the activity producing it. Te people, places, things, and activities that have brought satisfaction to my life continue to satisfy me (Page 14) Satisfaction can be sustained beyond the activity producing it. Te people, places, things, and activities that have brought satisfaction to my life continue to satisfy me, while those that bring only pleasure to my life leave me with an unquenchable (Page 14) Addiction is wanting more and more of something that brings less and less satisfaction. In many ways we have become addicted to pleasure, to getting what we want, and the cost is always genuine satisfaction (Page 15) Our present culture idolizes three practical philosophies that are eating away at the very fabric of our workforce and culture, our relationships, and our lives. Te frst of these practical philosophies is individualism. When most people today are faced with a decision, the question that seems to dominate their inner dialogue is, “What’s in it for me?” Tis question is the creed of individualism, which is based on an all-consuming concern for self. In the present climate, the most dominant trend governing the decision-making process is individualism. Have you ever tried to work with a team where all its members were rugged individualists? Have you ever tried to manage an individualist? No community, whether it is as small as a team or as large as a nation, can grow strong with this attitude. Individualism always weakens the community and causes the whole to suffer. In every instance it is a cancerous growth. 16 (Page 16) Our present culture idolizes three practical philosophies that are eating away at the very fabric of our workforce and culture, our relationships, and our lives. (Page 16) Te frst of these practical philosophies is individualism. (Page 16) Hedonism is not an expression of freedom; it is a passport to enslavement by a thousand cravings and addictions. And in the end it produces not pleasure but despair (Page 18) the creed of minimalism. Te minimalist is always asking, “What is the least I can do?” (Page 18) Minimalism is the enemy of excellence and the father of mediocrity. It is one of the greatest philosophical diseases of our age. Minimalism has infected every aspect of our lives and society and, tragically, it is also one of the philosophical diseases that is eating away at the corporate culture (Page 18) found it interesting that, of the thousands of people who had voted, three times as many chose “doing what you want, when you want, and not having to answer to anyone” as the best way to live than “never losing sight of what’s really important.” In essence they are saying, “It’s okay to lose sight of what’s important as long as you get to do what you want.” How would that mind-set work for your team or company or family? (Page 21) Te frst principle is simply this: you are here to become the-best-version-of-yourself. It would seem clear that you are not here to become a second-rate-version-of-yourself (Page 23) Te whole world prefers virtue (Page 27) third principle is simply self-control. Te best way to live is with self-control. Self-control may very well be man’s highest need. Without it we are rendered incapable of any sustainable success in life, business, or relationships. For without self-control we are incapable of delaying gratifcation. Individualism, hedonism, and minimalism all lead to the decay of a person’s self-control and the demise of his or her ability to delay gratifcation. (Page 28) And so, in delving into the question “How is the best way to live?” we quickly discover that it is not a question that we ask once, answer once, and are fnished with. It is a dynamic question that requires a little bit of our attention every day, week, month, year, and decade of our lives (Page 30) How is the best way to live? You alone have to decide for yourself. But decide and pursue that life (Page 32) Your life today is an answer to the questions you have asked up until now. Te good news is that you can change the questions anytime you wish. Ask better questions and you get better answers. Sometimes changing our lives can be as simple as changing the questions we habitually ask ourselves and others. (Page 34) How is the best way to live? (Page 35) - 💭 Mindset Try several ways and note how you feel as your day begins and ends, your energy level rises and falls, your focus and efciency wax and wane. Once you have discovered the best way to start your day, experiment with the best way to end your day. Having answered this question, you can move on to the best way to live a weekend (Page 35) Imagine. What would happen if you started to take this one question seriously? What would happen if you approached this question as strategically as Procter & Gamble approaches the development of a new product or as rigorously as Coca-Cola approaches a new ad campaign? Tis rigor and strategy are the elements that have been missing from the work-life balance experiment of the past twenty years. Tis same rigor and strategy are just what this book will help you to adopt so you can design and build a deeply satisfying life—personally and professionally (Page 36) What would happen if you started to take this one question seriously? What would happen if you approached this question as strategically as Procter & Gamble approaches the development of a new product or as rigorously as Coca-Cola approaches a new ad campaign (Page 36) How is the best way to live? It is a question that challenges us to consider how we are living our one short life and what is possible. It is a question that challenges our lives to evolve. Perhaps we avoid the question because it just seems overwhelming. When that’s the case, we need to remind ourselves that fnding the best way to live begins with fnding a better way to live. (Page 36) Te truth is, I work more than anybody I know, but I lead a tremendously satisfying life (Page 39) working really hard at different times of our lives is very good for us. Tere have been times when I have worked eighty-fve-hour weeks for a month at a stretch. (Page 39) these were deeply satisfying times in my life in and of themselves. We all need and thrive on the sense of accomplishing something (Page 39) On average these supposed champions of work-life balance work nine hours more per week than their counterparts. Tey work hard and long hours, and they do it intentionally. Tey also, for the most part, have little or no misgivings about this reality (Page 43) they have large quantities of what this book is really about—personal and professional satisfaction. Tey work hard, but they have a sense of satisfaction when they leave the ofce after a long day (Page 43) Tis professional satisfaction is fueled by several factors: they enjoy the people they work with; they feel respected by their boss; they feel their work is making a contribution to customers’ lives; they fnd the challenge of their work matches their abilities; and they know why they (Page 43) they have large quantities of what this book is really about—personal and professional satisfaction. Tey work hard, but they have a sense of satisfaction when they leave the ofce after a long day (Page 43) People come to work because they have dreams for themselves and for their families. And those who are achieving high levels of personal and professional satisfaction know what those dreams are (Page 44) For most it has a lot to do with giving their children a frst-rate experience of life and every chance to succeed for themselves. For others it is a vision of a second career in their early to midffties (Page 44) For most it has a lot to do with giving their children a frst-rate experience of life and every chance to succeed for themselves. For others it is a vision of a second career in their early to midffties … which often is the thing they always really wanted to do. (Page 44) satisfaction that emerges in response to the fulfllment of a need tends to be a lasting satisfaction, while satisfaction that is the result of the gratifcation of a desire tends to have a much shorter shelf life (Page 46) satisfaction that emerges in response to the fulfllment of a need tends to be a lasting satisfaction, while satisfaction that is the result of the gratifcation of a desire tends to have a much shorter shelf life. Both are necessary to live a deeply fulflling life, but the fulfllment of needs is primary and the gratifcation of desires is secondary (Page 46) Getting what you want is great, but it’s not always possible, so if we defne satisfaction in terms of it, I suspect we are in for a great deal of dissatisfaction (Page 47) Interestingly, the greatest experience of satisfaction often comes after times of great stress and even intense suffering (of one kind or another). And any experience of satisfaction almost always follows some type of delayed gratifcation (Page 47) Te thing that continually amazes me about the very best companies in the world is that they measure everything. And every time I think they cannot possibly measure anything else, they come up with something new to measure that drives their business to a new level. (Page 48) Measuring something is critical to the process of change and improvement. So to increase the level of satisfaction in your life you need to fnd a way to measure it. To help with this, I offer the following (Page 48) Te thing that continually amazes me about the very best companies in the world is that they measure everything. And every time I think they cannot possibly measure anything else, they come up with something new to measure that drives their business to a new level. If you cannot measure something, you cannot (Page 48) Te thing that continually amazes me about the very best companies in the world is that they measure everything. And every time I think they cannot possibly measure anything else, they come up with something new to measure that drives their business to a new level. If you cannot measure something, you cannot change it. (Page 48) to increase the level of satisfaction in your life you need to fnd a way to measure it. To help with this, I offer the following assessment exercise as your next step (Page 48) Te thing that continually amazes me about the very best companies in the world is that they measure everything. And every time I think they cannot possibly measure anything else, they come up with something new to measure that drives their business to a new level (Page 48) I encourage you to take the assessment once every three months for the next year, and twice a year after that, to track your progress (Page 59) there is no point to having balance if you are not satisfed. (Page 63) You cannot be in two places at one time, you cannot have it all, and so you must choose. Learning to Choose … Again! For twenty years now I have been writing, but last year I wrote my frst book for children. You pick up a children’s book that has a sentence or two on a page and you think, “How hard could that be?” I discovered: harder than you think. Added to that, the subject I had chosen was the meaning of life, and now I had the monumental challenge of explaining to children between the ages of six and ten the meaning of life in four hundred words or less. Te title of the book is Why Am I Here? It is a story about Max, a seven-year-old, and his quest to discover the meaning of life. With the help of his grandfather and their fshing adventures together, Max discovers that the meaning of life is for each of us to become the-best-version-of-ourselves! In the following days and weeks Max faces a series of situations 68 (Page 68) You cannot be in two places at one time, you cannot have it all, and so you must choose (Page 68) passion for life emerges from clarity surrounding our purpose, and learning to make great choices is integral to leading a rich and fulflling life (Page 69) Did we ever really learn to make choices (Page 70) He had made himself personally vulnerable in a way that the corporate world doesn’t see enough of, and people were listening. (Page 72) My priority list is fairly simple: faith, marriage, children, health, and work (Page 72) “At the same time, it is important to recognize that the lower priorities can be positive enablers of the higher priorities. For example, health is an enabler of everything else (Page 73) “With my priorities frmly identifed, my actions are not just things I choose to do—they are value statements. I do certain things because I value certain things (Page 74) My value structure certainly influences the way I spend my time and what I do, but much more important than that it informs why I do what I do each day (Page 74) “Once we establish our own value structure, or list of priorities, the challenge is to start making choices that honor those values and priorities. It is then that the consequences of our choices become clear. And (Page 75) “Once we establish our own value structure, or list of priorities, the challenge is to start making choices that honor those values and priorities. It is then that the consequences of our choices become clear (Page 75) Without clarity around what matters most, without a clear value and priority structure that we can commit to, our lives tend to get kidnapped by the urgent (Page 81) Your capacity for life increases with the more energy you have. Your ability to embrace, absorb, and enjoy all the good things in this world, and your ability to respond and react to the not so good things in this world, depends upon the amount of energy you have (Page 84) Knowing how to balance various activities in our life to (Page 84) produce the maximum flow of energy is perhaps the most important skill any of us can learn and develop. Each of us has to work out how long we hold the proverbial glass of water in our lives, and each of us needs to determine what sort of breaks we need from holding that glass (Page 85) , if we want to live with overflowing energy and enthusiasm, we all need to take a very close look at how the people, places, things, and (Page 92) If we want to live life at performance level with passion and purpose, if we want to live with overflowing energy and enthusiasm, we all need to take a very close look at how the people, places, things, and activities that make up our lives are affecting us from an energy perspective (Page 92) One thing that people never consider, but which affects their compensation more than most other things, is the period of time they deal with or are responsible for. What does that mean? Well, at McDonald’s it is someone’s job to get you through the drive-through in ninety seconds. Tat person makes minimum wage, perhaps $7 or $8 an hour. Tere is a manager on duty responsible for that eight-hour shift. Tat person makes $12–$15 an hour. Tere (Page 108) Until you take the decade view, until you begin to imagine and plan what you can do in a decade, (Page 109) “He who every morning plans the transactions of the day and follows out that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life. Te orderly arrangement of his time is like a ray of light which darts itself through all his occupations. But where there is no plan, where the disposal of time is surrendered to the chance incidents, chaos will soon reign (Page 123) one day a week (in the above example it falls on Friday, but that is not always the case) I specifcally and strategically allocate focus time to my “things to do” list (Page 133) fnd that having a list on which to place these items and tasks frees my mind to forget about them until it is actually time to work on them. In the same way, having a time scheduled to do those things on the list liberates my mind from thinking about when I am going to get to them (Page 133) If I had to guess, I suspect that thirty minutes saves me ten to ffteen hours each week by helping me avoid wasting time and increasing my efciency (Page 133) You need a quarterly review personally. Tis is the ffth and fnal stage of the system, and this is how it works. Who? Spouse. Friend. Life coach. Someone who knows you enough to be able to speak to your life in a meaningful way. (Page 135) What? Simply this: review what is not working well in your life; review what you said you would do in the last ninety days; outline the key objectives in your life at this time; share your plan to accomplish these objectives (Page 135) Where? Someplace the two of you will not be interrupted, away from the distractions of daily life and business. Somewhere quiet enough to have the necessary discussions. Why? To hold you accountable to the good things you want to do in your life and the person you want to be and become (Page 136) Above all else, satisfaction must be sought patiently and with an overwhelming sense that we are responsible for creating satisfaction (Page 136) Above all else, satisfaction must be sought patiently and with an overwhelming sense that we are responsible for creating satisfaction. While we can contribute to the satisfaction of others, nobody can be wholly responsible for our satisfaction other than ourselves (Page 136)