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## Highlights
their ideas align closely with those of psychologist Abraham Maslow. Maslow is well-known for his “hierarchy of needs”, ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/62d98ba8-57ad-47ab-b282-ffc2d37e39c6))
The Heaths’ four elements align with Maslow’s three “higher needs” of self-actualization, esteem, and belonging: ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/9c77fb54-2eb2-4d84-bce2-889c4d706b2a))
Elevation: Self-actualizing people are capable of experiencing “transcendent” moments, or moments elevated above the everyday experience that create a sense of delight, wonder, and surprise. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/5f109f45-7aef-4d8a-86aa-cbf9f1088baa))
- đź’ The rest of the 4 are related to a tier
Maslow described peak experiences as small, everyday events that give us a feeling of newness or deligh ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/1806325a-87df-4bea-8abb-11b951852319))
There are three ways to use elevation: Increase sensory pleasure, raise the stakes, and go off script with strategic surprise. Successful, memorable moments incorporate at least two of these methods. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/c2220fd0-007f-4c6a-9219-855f164d684b))
numerous studies have concluded that memory links most strongly to your sense of smell. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/2456cb24-aca0-472c-b881-e65bf4c629da))
the prospect of a high reward forces your brain to use long-term memory to “help out” your short-term working memory. As a result, your attention is more fully focused on the event ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/a5a306f3-1369-47ea-b30b-6e158aed2274))
- đź’ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23448876/
Memorable experiences are not wholly amazing—they’re largely mundane, with one or two exceptional peaks. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/05a1378a-e04e-4110-bb48-8711354970a0))
three ways you can spark meaningful, memorable insight: forcing others to confront an uncomfortable truth, putting yourself in situations where you must confront self-truths, and mentoring others. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/706a39cc-8e6a-4c9d-9281-33d4c0eb70f8))
Moments Defined by Insight ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/79164e7b-4cdb-4a43-a6d1-67a2cca10d8a))
1. Force Someone to Confront a Truth ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/8a49680d-49cf-4371-b95d-aaecd9ff04b6))
Have a clear conclusion: Know exactly what conclusion you want your audience to come to. This is often the easiest part of the process—you usually know exactly what truth needs revealing.
Operate on a short time frame: Create a situation that will guide your audience to their discovery over a matter of minutes or hours, or even more immediately.
Allow audience discovery: Let the audience discover the conclusion themselves, instead of telling them what to do. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/d58e4fba-1a25-4267-b747-88412609f70f))
the process of stepping outside of your comfort zone and risking failure leads to what psychologists call “self-insight”: an understanding of your values, abilities, goals, and motivations. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/23299d8c-5a5b-4cfc-972c-20a7dba6a302))
Daniel Kahneman (author of Thinking, Fast and Slow) found that the brain uses the emotional climaxes of experiences as “price tags” or reference points when recalling an experience. We use these reference points to determine whether repeating the experience is worth the “cost.” ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/242e6630-3ad6-4466-a34b-0891bb84b452))
3. Push Others Into Self-Insight as a Mentor ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/d61aabad-9440-4218-b0c9-29dad4c4c423))
The Heaths note that great mentors do four key things: Set high expectations, express confidence in the mentee, provide direction, and assure support. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/ceefd4ea-7b85-4104-89b7-f1f7120b3b8b))
### New highlights added July 17, 2023 at 7:08 PM
Moments Defined by Pride ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/f5e8e881-8959-46ce-964f-8ee457b6598f))
Strategy 1: Create and Celebrate Small Wins ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/9bb64ff8-88ac-4d76-a97f-3c50265217de))
Small wins are concrete and create a clear roadmap in the right direction.
You’re more likely to stay engaged with small wins based on your particular motivations.
You allow yourself multiple opportunities to feel good about your abilities. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/a0dbc7a8-b395-4211-b007-1ad4c5011483))
Pride that comes from recognition is especially memorable—largely because it’s so rarely practiced. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/e52b1c1e-eeaa-46f2-8fb5-81700edf4812))
People feel most satisfied when their efforts are being recognized consistently, not just when they accomplish a big goal. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/a9cb0d62-135e-4828-bfb9-58a7ea8e2888))
Strategy 3: Prepare Yourself Mentally for Courage ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/4311e4c7-7a38-44b8-af82-857a6ab9d2fa))
standing up for someone else, calling out injustice, or fighting for something we believe in. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/c3acf29f-a665-445c-ba75-ced2eb3f04ef))
- đź’ you are proud of acting in accordance with values
Preloaded responses are reactions that you’ve drilled into your memory so that they’re immediately ready in a situation that calls for it. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/3826a8e4-1cf5-49a0-afb8-0aa96579390f))
Moments Defined by Connection ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/ff0c8831-440c-4050-80e9-aab45c8f4888))
In his book The Culture Code, Daniel Coyle reveals three crucial psychological elements that solidify one’s place within a culture and contribute to the success of a group: safety, vulnerability, and purpose. Each of the Heaths’ three steps helps establish these elements: ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/06cfb63e-8c68-4fa0-88f0-73cab96f115f))
1. Create a shared moment ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/d75d4174-43db-429a-80d2-91a3a3f3734a))
) Allow for voluntary struggle: People naturally create strong bonds when they are struggling together, but they need to have chosen to be part of it. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/f8cb496e-4275-43ce-9dcc-c51738fbca4d))
) Reconnect with work’s meaning ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/92172cf4-04e3-41b0-be0b-b8d9e139f89c))
Purpose is what allows people to see beyond their mundane or difficult individual tasks and feel a significant connection to the larger mission. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/9fb31f42-9357-4927-9577-87f0b4e39dd5))
Part 2: Use Connection to Deepen Individual Relationships ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/d497e08c-8b89-4ddf-afba-d38cb8357f64))
Responsiveness conveys three essential messages:
Support: I actively support you and will help you get what you want or need.
Understanding: I know what’s important to you and who you are.
Respect: I respect who you are and your wants or needs. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/e6cf5aa5-c13a-4c7c-950d-c501a8059a80))
vulnerability + responsiveness = intimacy. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/e8427623-42de-4c18-b3a0-0fbf312d91a8))
intimacy doesn’t come from either responsiveness or vulnerability alone—it’s crucial that there’s an exchange between the two ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/88e9c5bf-d1b9-45aa-96f9-d949f388cad2))
respond to their vulnerability in a way that aligns with the way they view understanding and care ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/f35beb47-f891-4732-8606-e1b09f67732e))
not everyone gives and receives support, understanding, and respect the same way. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/e91e8a39-4fa5-43b5-ab53-f65c5e8b02f8))
If you were to reflect on your life and name the most memorable events, it’s likely that most of the named events occurred in your late adolescence and early adulthood. This is called the “reminiscence bump,” and it happens because you experienced many “firsts” between the ages of 15 and 30 ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/46a7e327-cb8f-44ec-91c0-a75ec90c3856))
re-engage your brain and force you to process new information—not only does this allow you to more fully experience and enjoy moments and create richer memories, but it also makes you feel that time is passing more slowly. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/bfe29203-71df-4f2b-a888-64732ba72f1b))
- Elevation
### New highlights added July 22, 2023 at 7:59 PM
Chapter 2: How to See the Potential for Defining Moments ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/22cf5ab5-4a84-4f22-958b-d507d6dc0ca9))
most defining moments happen in small, everyday events, and what makes them stand out is how you shape them by investing your time, effort, and strategic thought. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/c4c3a2ce-c996-44ad-8a95-94e66256d646))
Three Common Situations for Defining Moments ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/5a2bf188-4ad4-4666-afc1-7a308718adb4))
Situation 1: Transitions ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/3fbcea90-e9ef-447c-878b-6b54e145fb11))
To help you let go of this attachment, your partner sets up a small ceremony at Rocky’s favorite dog park. You set up a toy box filled with his old toys. Then, you affix a small plaque commemorating Rocky to the bench you two always shared—it helps you have a place where you can continue to feel close to him. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/378b36a3-47f9-436e-ba61-d65b6343a830))
Expected: These types of transitions are planned out and relatively predictable—often, they’re experiences that most people can relate to. For example, a personal, expected transition may happen when you change jobs and need to transition from an old way of thinking to a new way. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/05c85b15-3690-4c24-b19f-b54ebc72d386))
Unexpected: These types of transitions happen at unpredictable times and often aren’t aligned with the experiences of those around you. For example, an emotional, unexpected transition may happen when you receive a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/e5488fa2-c6c0-4cb4-94bd-b9f061382feb))
Unrealized: “Unrealized” transitions are those that we expect will happen, but ultimately don’t come to pass. An unrealized transition might look like expecting to graduate college and then dropping out, or expecting to get married but never doing so. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/53e45ba1-5c83-4b28-ac58-50d7a3c49ccb))
Gradual: The gradual transition refers to progress that happens slowly over time—the person going through a gradual transition often isn’t aware it’s happening. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/d15935f1-5f81-442b-ad67-b38b233feeae))
Situation 2: Milestones ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/2f80f4b9-b88c-4d25-85ac-4cf2c509e0fc))
life events that are acknowledged and feel significant, but are largely arbitrary—for example, turning 30 doesn’t change your life in any significant way, but it feels like an important event all the same ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/bf45327c-fde6-4d56-a57e-432b7411a21a))
Situation 3: Negative Pits ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/414a8a76-dd03-4e17-8b5b-7b2ece167c04))
emotional lows of an experience ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/e7976229-1c43-4df2-80b9-f6ac287df2bb))
The Heaths explain that hard moments can actually become positive defining moments when you go beyond simply repairing them—and instead, find a way to turn them into positive peaks to look back on fondly. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/487bd181-09f2-4e88-bb07-773ad707e485))
1. Create an unexpected positive experience in response to the pit. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/898a4447-c2f3-45be-958f-5174d445f562))
2. Put together a plan of action in response to the negative pit. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/92beb8fb-6221-4980-8a75-9d0480ac1060))
Chapters 3-4: Create Defining Moments With Elevation ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/27be16fa-6520-4cd0-8526-2bfe0a2a0c2f))
upping the sensory appeal of a moment doesn’t need to be expensive or extravagant—it can be as simple as a team leader conducting her employees’ year-end meetings in a park instead of in her office ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/1c888a68-b98f-4a71-9cea-fb09420ddc65))
wear a certain “date night” perfume or cologne to make outings with your partner feel more special—and, each time you smell it, you’ll recall memories of past outings. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/27046027-65b5-4443-81df-3e3ef650bfbe))
### New highlights added July 22, 2023 at PM
In 1991, a study by Chip Heath and Amos Tversky found that when given a choice between two gambles, people are more likely to choose the one that’s more familiar to them—even if their odds of winning are lower.
In his book Thinking, Fast and Slow, psychologist Dan Kahneman discusses the mere exposure effect: The more contact we have with something, the more we like it. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/77f9c00b-d84b-4295-9339-1a80d3757b41))