## Context Realized this after journaling [[Work to provide for parents, make them happy, and respect their sacrifice]] ## Feelings - energized - awakened as i remembered what fuelled me the most to get to where I am ## Thoughts **my greatest motivator in life has been altruism.** i have always felt the most energized and motivated when serving others and helping them grow. whether it be being there to listen to friends during depressive times, or seeing the heartfelt comments and messages on my posts. this fuels me more than self-indulgence ever will. the truth is, i want to be more personal and engaged with you all, so the opposite of what my newsletter or discord community is right now due to my previous emphasis on optimizing for algorithmic success. i want to fully know you, sit with you, and serve you as who we both really are and want to become. but this ability to create and help you is only possible thanks to my most powerful altruistic motive of all, for without it i wouldn’t even be able to type these words as john mavrick. for the first time in my life i've been able to give back to my parents. they've sacrificed and overcame A LOT of hardships so i could move to canada and have opportunities to explore my uncertain potential. leaving their lives in the phillippines of close-knit family and lifelong friends. my dad overworked and deteriorated his body for minimum wage in fast food jobs. my babysitters were his coworkers and my daycare was the dine-in table next to the window. laying on cardboard with my dad by my side, looking me in the eyes and sincerely encouraging me to work hard despite our current circumstances so i could have a more comfortable life. initially living in my generous aunt’s basement, to renting the same apartment for the past 13 years. unable to save up for a mortgage on their home or for a comfortable retirement to instead fund my post-secondary education. i'm incredibly fortunate to have parents that provided for me and supported me this much. but i took it for granted. i would play games all day, ignoring their pleads to go to bed, limit my screen time, or take care of my physical health. i would keep my gaze straight at my screen,  rarely acknowledging their concern or requests by only muttering “okay”. all for my pursuit of hedonism. but around when i was 17, in high school senior year, i suddenly felt a sincere and powerful personal duty to pay them back by working towards my best future self. fuelled by the regret of my lifelong indifference, i honored their sacrifice to my utmost capability. this led to my relentless and insatiable obsession with productivity, learning, and creating workflows in obsidian to do well in school and get a good career. in 2021, my weekly calendar view of how i spent my entire day would look like this (the pink are my breaks, which then would consist of either exercise, eating, or napping).  everything had to be done for growth and productivity. once i finished my final work period for the day, i gave myself no time to relax and went straight into my bed covers to sleep to make up for my past. i stopped spending as much time with friends, and they would ask me why i suddenly became such a [type A person](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Type_A_and_Type_B_personality_theory). those months flew by fast due to the lack of time to just be and relax, but at the same time, this was the reason i could expand my career horizons and go to university at SFU. in 2022 during online schooling, my days would then look like this.  i self-learned coding to get an internship in my first year when it’s usually done during the third. i accelerated my intrinsic pursuit for making videos by also catering to the algorithm and playing the youtube game. now fast forward a bit over 3 years later, to my current 20-year-old self, and i can finally say i've been able to give back a fraction of what my parents deserve. yesterday we officially signed the papers to buy a home, with me providing the downpayment. my mom had no plans to get a house anytime soon and was ready to rent for the rest of her life. but now, the three of us can live in together, taking one step further in the comfortable life they envisioned for me. continuing to explore my passions, being okay with authenticity, digging up the experiences and feelings i may have buried or missed during the past 3 years. some time to re-evaluate who i want to be, especially in a job where it ripples into everything you do and your impact on the world. but of course, i couldn't be here without [[My story, why im grateful for all of you, and my plans for the future#my gratitude|your presence]]. ## Future Plan - I need to remind myself of these factors during less inspiring times of the creative process - Continue looking back at [[My impact from pursuing my purpose]] if I feel demotivated