[[What I want in a partner]] What actually matters ! 1. **Honesty-Humility** comprises characteristics such as being honest, loyal, and sincere versus being boastful, hypocritical, and pretentious. communication and caring for both parties - cooperation ## Emotional stability and kindness - Most important yet underrated > emotional stability as being able to self-regulate and not give in to anger or impulsivity. The combined emotional stability of a couple predicts the satisfaction and stability of their relationship. - allow us to show care and compassion - Tip: Evaluate kindness through their small interactions with other people with no intent of getting anything in return: - Nice to waiter, offer seat in transit, patient with people learning, compassionate - Tip: Evaluate emotional stability through their coping mechanisms with stressful situations - Do they calmly respond in the time between stimulus and response? ## Loyalty - Tip: Do they still have friends throughout their life stages, even if the other party has had troubles? - Do previous people still go to them for advice? - Old friendships indicate loyalty ### [[Growth Mindset]] - Positive approach to facing problems and obstacles - Openness to experience - Curiosity - Creativity - Unconventional ## The way they bring your best self out - Do their positive/negative emotions positively/negatively affect you? - Tip: consider how you feel after dates, ask someone how you acted due to them ## Skills for fights/arguments - How do you handle relationship-long problems due to incompatibility? > Dan Wile explained in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems.” The goal isn’t to find someone with whom you don’t fight. It’s to choose a partner with whom you fight well, and who doesn’t make you worry that the fight will end the relationship - Able to switch the atmosphere if things get tense beyond benefit ## Decision-making skills when together - loving for a long time require a lot of sacrifices - Team and collaboration - Tip: get immersive - Rhythym while canoeing lmao - ex) in charge vs follower > “I want him to make me feel smart, funny, appreciated, and secure in our relationship.” ## Thoughts when people say they want someone passionate, does that mean adhd? ## Help with self-actualization - think about whether the transformations you will have to undergo to live life with your partner are worth it